When you discover that you've had the same large bottle of Johnson & Johnson's baby lotion for 4 years and used it for 3 babies!
When there are 3 carseats in your car.
When the baby clothes aren't ever boxed up and put away.
You've forgotten what a full night's sleep is either because someone is not yet sleeping through the night or you are waking every hour to pee because someone is laying on your bladder.
When you look at your budget and realize that for 2 years straight you've had money allocated to pay the midwife.
When every time you walk past your tub you think of either bathing a baby or birthing one...but never having a peaceful moment to yourself surrounded by bubbles, candles, and a glass of wine.
When you've been taking pre-natal vitamins instead of regular vitamins for 4 years.
When you go to your place of former employment and hear the constant whisper of clients saying, "She still hasn't had that baby yet?!"
When your husband's co-workers are planning another baby shower for him and someone says, "Oh no, he's already had his baby" and someone else says, "Oh no, this is ANOTHER one."
When you can't even find the non-maternity clothes in the bottom of your closet anymore.
When you haven't bought tampons in 4 years!
And when you can't remember the last time your boobs were a sex object instead of someone's lunch.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
more on the sad part of step-parenting
Part of the reason I blog about biomom is to keep record of things that we might need to recall on exact times and dates.
So let's just say we need some prayers right now...and here's why...
Today Trey called Conner's doctor because we tried out a new medication for his ADD. After deciding, along with biomom, that we didn't like the new meds, she started him back on a few remaining pills of the old. Only, instead of giving him the prescribed amount, she was giving him half of that. She said she needed to "ramp him back up". Trey told the doctor this and the doctor basically reamed Trey out because CONNER SHOULD ONLY BE GIVEN THE MEDS THE WAY THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED THEM! Well, we couldn't agree more, but biomom just keeps skipping doses and switching things up with some of her own crazy reasoning....and she's definitely NO DOCTOR. This is so frustrating. Why won't she stop doing this? In the divorce agreement it states, "if the parents cannot agree, they default to the doctor's orders." If we had all the money saved up that we would need to do it, we could have her hiney in court right now.
Additionally to be noted (and prayer requested), is that Trey picked the kids up for school today and noticed that Conner was wearing the same shirt for the 4th day in a row! He asked Carly when the last day was that she showered and she said, "Sunday"...today is Thursday. Now, Carly is partly to blame for this because she is old enough to know better....still, her Mother should be reminding her to clean herself if she isn't remembering on her own. Her hair and skin were so greasy that instead of taking Carly to the bus stop, Trey brought her home, she showered, and I took her to school.
I don't even know how things like this hold up in court. I am grateful that the kids aren't coming over bruised or in rags, but just the same, they deserve better than to have to put up with this sort of neglect. I know if they were home with us more frequently, BETTER is what they would get. As a Mommy I have to ask, "how hard is it to provide a clean outfit and more than 1 shower a week for your 2 children?" Since I know that they have more clothing over there and since I know how much money biomom is making, I cannot make any excuses for her. (I also know that biomom's mother stocks the kid's closets.)
That's all for now...and hopefully for forever. I hate this part of stepmommying.
So let's just say we need some prayers right now...and here's why...
Today Trey called Conner's doctor because we tried out a new medication for his ADD. After deciding, along with biomom, that we didn't like the new meds, she started him back on a few remaining pills of the old. Only, instead of giving him the prescribed amount, she was giving him half of that. She said she needed to "ramp him back up". Trey told the doctor this and the doctor basically reamed Trey out because CONNER SHOULD ONLY BE GIVEN THE MEDS THE WAY THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED THEM! Well, we couldn't agree more, but biomom just keeps skipping doses and switching things up with some of her own crazy reasoning....and she's definitely NO DOCTOR. This is so frustrating. Why won't she stop doing this? In the divorce agreement it states, "if the parents cannot agree, they default to the doctor's orders." If we had all the money saved up that we would need to do it, we could have her hiney in court right now.
Additionally to be noted (and prayer requested), is that Trey picked the kids up for school today and noticed that Conner was wearing the same shirt for the 4th day in a row! He asked Carly when the last day was that she showered and she said, "Sunday"...today is Thursday. Now, Carly is partly to blame for this because she is old enough to know better....still, her Mother should be reminding her to clean herself if she isn't remembering on her own. Her hair and skin were so greasy that instead of taking Carly to the bus stop, Trey brought her home, she showered, and I took her to school.
I don't even know how things like this hold up in court. I am grateful that the kids aren't coming over bruised or in rags, but just the same, they deserve better than to have to put up with this sort of neglect. I know if they were home with us more frequently, BETTER is what they would get. As a Mommy I have to ask, "how hard is it to provide a clean outfit and more than 1 shower a week for your 2 children?" Since I know that they have more clothing over there and since I know how much money biomom is making, I cannot make any excuses for her. (I also know that biomom's mother stocks the kid's closets.)
That's all for now...and hopefully for forever. I hate this part of stepmommying.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tough questions...
Patience or persistence?
Ignore or address?
To spank or not to spank?
Insert opinion or bite tongue?
Do I dislike dirty baseboards more or dislike cleaning dirty baseboards more?
Add on or move out?
Flexible or firm?
Vesectomy or no vesectomy?
Save up or finance?
Take their word for it or investigate further?
Public education or home education?
Our lives are always in transition, aren't they?
Ignore or address?
To spank or not to spank?
Insert opinion or bite tongue?
Do I dislike dirty baseboards more or dislike cleaning dirty baseboards more?
Add on or move out?
Flexible or firm?
Vesectomy or no vesectomy?
Save up or finance?
Take their word for it or investigate further?
Public education or home education?
Our lives are always in transition, aren't they?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Would You Do It Again?
This morning on one of my Step mom support pages a moderator asked, "Would you do it again?"
90% of step mom's reply? "NO WAY".
Actually, erasing the names of the step mom responders and keeping them private, here are some EXACT responses:
"No, I feel deceived and manipulated".
"Love hearing the sad and brutal honesty. For the kids, yes I absolutely would...But, the bio-parent just doesn't understand that the best interest of the kids isn't about being vindictive/getting back and it's old and exhausting STILL six years later."
"I would marry my husband again, but would be a lot more cautious about step motherhood."
"HELL NO....I should have ran so far away...It's been six years of arguing, crying, resentment...."
"Sadly, no. I love my husband more than life itself, but the complications in our blended family are more than we know how to handle....don't know how to make it better and we are at the end of ourselves."
"No way in hell. This is not how life is supposed to be. I am here now and in love with a man AND his kids, so I am not going anywhere, but if I knew then what I know now I would never have chosen this life for myself and my own biological children."
Heartbreaking, isn't it?
And we all have 2 choices....stay in and deal, or get out. Unfortunately, getting out, in most cases, just creates a whole other additional circle of divorce, broken family, new-ex-spouses, and turning one's own biological children into future step kids. Staying in and dealing doesn't seem very pretty, either...does it?
This is a real problem so many women face in their lives. It's one of the saddest phenomenon's out there. It's no wonder that the failure rate of second marriages is even greater than the already high failure rate of first marriages (http://www.remarriage.com/Remarriage-Facts/failure-of-second-marriages.html). All a step mom ever did was fall in love with a man who had a history. That history, his former struggle, has become the struggle of so many new wives....and not-so-new, as you can see from the comments above. Years and years after marriage, women are still putting up with what you would THINK would be "adjustment behaviors" from the ex-wife. Ex-wives who are out for revenge, who are selfish, who create drama with the intention of causing marital issues for their ex-husbands....it happens FAR MORE often than it doesn't. And, speaking from personal experience and the experience of other's...IT DOESN'T GET BETTER WITH TIME.
So many of us step moms share the same issues in our marriage due to the ex-wife/biological mother of our stepchildren.
For me, it's drama around the holidays and all special occasions.
For me, it's another woman's mood swings (or perhaps I should say "disorders"!) that are affecting MY husband.
For me, it's loving children and being a normal, secure, family until her hurricane of craziness comes into the picture and disrupts it all.
For me, it's having no one who can understand our unique family situation.
For me, it's dealing with a husband who would rather throw his backbone out the window than stand up to his ex on issues that mean a lot to...and affect....our step kids and even our family as a whole.
For me, it's wanting to be normal so badly that it hurts....and knowing that there is no way to obtain it...EVER.
For me, it's watching my biological children suffer because their mommy is dealing with another problem the ex-wife created and, therefore, cant' fully be there for them while she deals.
It's a feeling of being trapped and, sometimes, it feels like I got tricked into this.
It's all so sad. And there are SO MANY women who have to live their lives like this. We didn't get a warning. We didn't get a handbook when we said, "I do." We did say, "for better or worse"....it's just so sad how much "worse" the new wife/the step mom gets dealt at the hands of the ex-wife. It's so true that when you marry a divorced man you are marrying his kids...AND his ex, as well. All the problems from their relationship included.
Support groups (online) like the ones that I belong to help. It's so nice to know that I am not alone. This morning, it's making me feel so sad and so frustrated that there are such large number of step mom's out there who, "NO WAY IN HELL" would do it all over again. If you came to me and said you were interested in dating a man with a crazy ex-wife and children in the mix...I would tell you to run.
All that being said, you all know I do love my hubby and I do love my stepchildren....my "bonus babies"....but, this life sure isn't for wimps.
My thoughts and prayers this morning are with all the thousands of step moms out there who, like me, got more than they bargained for just by meeting the love of their lives.
90% of step mom's reply? "NO WAY".
Actually, erasing the names of the step mom responders and keeping them private, here are some EXACT responses:
"No, I feel deceived and manipulated".
"Love hearing the sad and brutal honesty. For the kids, yes I absolutely would...But, the bio-parent just doesn't understand that the best interest of the kids isn't about being vindictive/getting back and it's old and exhausting STILL six years later."
"I would marry my husband again, but would be a lot more cautious about step motherhood."
"HELL NO....I should have ran so far away...It's been six years of arguing, crying, resentment...."
"Sadly, no. I love my husband more than life itself, but the complications in our blended family are more than we know how to handle....don't know how to make it better and we are at the end of ourselves."
"No way in hell. This is not how life is supposed to be. I am here now and in love with a man AND his kids, so I am not going anywhere, but if I knew then what I know now I would never have chosen this life for myself and my own biological children."
Heartbreaking, isn't it?
And we all have 2 choices....stay in and deal, or get out. Unfortunately, getting out, in most cases, just creates a whole other additional circle of divorce, broken family, new-ex-spouses, and turning one's own biological children into future step kids. Staying in and dealing doesn't seem very pretty, either...does it?
This is a real problem so many women face in their lives. It's one of the saddest phenomenon's out there. It's no wonder that the failure rate of second marriages is even greater than the already high failure rate of first marriages (http://www.remarriage.com/Remarriage-Facts/failure-of-second-marriages.html). All a step mom ever did was fall in love with a man who had a history. That history, his former struggle, has become the struggle of so many new wives....and not-so-new, as you can see from the comments above. Years and years after marriage, women are still putting up with what you would THINK would be "adjustment behaviors" from the ex-wife. Ex-wives who are out for revenge, who are selfish, who create drama with the intention of causing marital issues for their ex-husbands....it happens FAR MORE often than it doesn't. And, speaking from personal experience and the experience of other's...IT DOESN'T GET BETTER WITH TIME.
So many of us step moms share the same issues in our marriage due to the ex-wife/biological mother of our stepchildren.
For me, it's drama around the holidays and all special occasions.
For me, it's another woman's mood swings (or perhaps I should say "disorders"!) that are affecting MY husband.
For me, it's loving children and being a normal, secure, family until her hurricane of craziness comes into the picture and disrupts it all.
For me, it's having no one who can understand our unique family situation.
For me, it's dealing with a husband who would rather throw his backbone out the window than stand up to his ex on issues that mean a lot to...and affect....our step kids and even our family as a whole.
For me, it's wanting to be normal so badly that it hurts....and knowing that there is no way to obtain it...EVER.
For me, it's watching my biological children suffer because their mommy is dealing with another problem the ex-wife created and, therefore, cant' fully be there for them while she deals.
It's a feeling of being trapped and, sometimes, it feels like I got tricked into this.
It's all so sad. And there are SO MANY women who have to live their lives like this. We didn't get a warning. We didn't get a handbook when we said, "I do." We did say, "for better or worse"....it's just so sad how much "worse" the new wife/the step mom gets dealt at the hands of the ex-wife. It's so true that when you marry a divorced man you are marrying his kids...AND his ex, as well. All the problems from their relationship included.
Support groups (online) like the ones that I belong to help. It's so nice to know that I am not alone. This morning, it's making me feel so sad and so frustrated that there are such large number of step mom's out there who, "NO WAY IN HELL" would do it all over again. If you came to me and said you were interested in dating a man with a crazy ex-wife and children in the mix...I would tell you to run.
All that being said, you all know I do love my hubby and I do love my stepchildren....my "bonus babies"....but, this life sure isn't for wimps.
My thoughts and prayers this morning are with all the thousands of step moms out there who, like me, got more than they bargained for just by meeting the love of their lives.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Year of Ailey Grace
Today is Ailey's 1st birthday.
She's still so much my baby that it's hard to believe that she is 1!
Ailey is, above all things, sweet. Ever since the day she was born I knew that her soul was gentle, easygoing, loving, and happy. Always a cuddler, always in-tune with the emotions of others. Always quick to offer up her big, beautiful smile to others, and to then remember that she is a bit timid and turn away with those BIG blue eyes. At least once every single day she will stop what she is doing, put her sweet little hand up on my cheek, and plant a giant wet kiss on my face. How can I every get too sad about anything with a little blessing in my life like that!?
I love to watch her with her siblings. Her and Joey often disappear into their own world full of giggles and jibber-jabber. She watches his every move and is learning from him constantly. When he walks into the room her eyes light up and she stops what she is doing to let him know she notices that he's there.
With Conner, she gets so excited to see him! Since she never really knows when he will show up, every time she sees him is like the first time in years. She will leap from my arms to wrap her hands around his neck and kiss him all over his face. This is funny to watch as she is being sweet, but those kisses are so full of drool that Conner gets a bit grossed-out by it:)
And finally, with Carly, well.....Carly is more like another Mommy to Ailey. When Ailey is hurt or hungry, tired or scared, if I'm out of sight and Carly is near, she will go straight to her for comfort.
It's such a sweet thing watching your children love one another.
No one can make Ailey laugh like her Daddy. Just the sound of Daddy coming through the front door will make Ailey giggle 4 rooms away. How lucky all my children are to have a Daddy that rarely travels and who cares so deeply for them.
It's been an amazing year with an amazing little girl! Happy Birthday Ailey Grace Montgomery!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Orphan Sunday
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. -Psalm 82:3
I have been praying for a long time that my husband might start to spiritually lead our family. So when, in the midst of my antepartum depression and the falling a part of our house, Trey suggested that we start looking for a new church close to our new home....I was relieved and excited.
Immediately Trey took action and got online to find a church that he thought would be a good fit for our family. He picked one out and this morning we attended for the first time. It's always nerve-wracking when you go to a new church for the first time. What will the child care be like? What will the music be like? How will the people like us?
We dropped-off our babies...both with relatively easy transitions and minimal tears. Then we headed into the sanctuary (the gymnasium in the YMCA). The service had just started and we looked up to hear a gentleman giving an introduction to what was "Orphan Sunday". I turned and looked up at my hubby...my eyes big and already starting to fill with tears. Up on the screen was a photo of an orphan with the words "Orphan Sunday".
So it's the first time that we've gone to church in probably 2 months. It's the first time that we've tried a new church in about a year. I took my seat and listened as the congregation was informed about God's desire for His people to help the helpless. Bible quote after Bible quote on God's word regarding orphans and widows was recited. These words were not new to my ears....or to my heart. I recited right along with the pastor. Tears streamed down my cheeks the entire time as my heart broke into a million pieces for the orphans of the world...and what God had already called me to do about it. I kept looking up at Trey who I didn't have to say anything to. He knew what was going on with me.
After the sermon we were invited to a meeting to attend this evening regarding what we can do to help father the Fatherless. I am going to go...even though I am nervous. It always makes me nervous when God speaks to me so loudly and clearly. I am also nervous because this was my first time attending this church and I won't know anyone who will be there. But I have to go. I have to hear more of what this group of people have to say. I have to hear more of what they are being called to do...and maybe, how I can be a part of it.
Finally, "Orphan Sunday" comes on the morning that my sister-in-law and her husband land in Ethiopia. They will be going to court for their son, a 1 year old orphan currently residing in an Ethiopian orphanage. We continue to pray for their family as they set out to do as God has called them to do in their rescue of the perishing.
God is good!
Proverbs 24:11-13
I have been praying for a long time that my husband might start to spiritually lead our family. So when, in the midst of my antepartum depression and the falling a part of our house, Trey suggested that we start looking for a new church close to our new home....I was relieved and excited.
Immediately Trey took action and got online to find a church that he thought would be a good fit for our family. He picked one out and this morning we attended for the first time. It's always nerve-wracking when you go to a new church for the first time. What will the child care be like? What will the music be like? How will the people like us?
We dropped-off our babies...both with relatively easy transitions and minimal tears. Then we headed into the sanctuary (the gymnasium in the YMCA). The service had just started and we looked up to hear a gentleman giving an introduction to what was "Orphan Sunday". I turned and looked up at my hubby...my eyes big and already starting to fill with tears. Up on the screen was a photo of an orphan with the words "Orphan Sunday".
So it's the first time that we've gone to church in probably 2 months. It's the first time that we've tried a new church in about a year. I took my seat and listened as the congregation was informed about God's desire for His people to help the helpless. Bible quote after Bible quote on God's word regarding orphans and widows was recited. These words were not new to my ears....or to my heart. I recited right along with the pastor. Tears streamed down my cheeks the entire time as my heart broke into a million pieces for the orphans of the world...and what God had already called me to do about it. I kept looking up at Trey who I didn't have to say anything to. He knew what was going on with me.
After the sermon we were invited to a meeting to attend this evening regarding what we can do to help father the Fatherless. I am going to go...even though I am nervous. It always makes me nervous when God speaks to me so loudly and clearly. I am also nervous because this was my first time attending this church and I won't know anyone who will be there. But I have to go. I have to hear more of what this group of people have to say. I have to hear more of what they are being called to do...and maybe, how I can be a part of it.
Finally, "Orphan Sunday" comes on the morning that my sister-in-law and her husband land in Ethiopia. They will be going to court for their son, a 1 year old orphan currently residing in an Ethiopian orphanage. We continue to pray for their family as they set out to do as God has called them to do in their rescue of the perishing.
God is good!
Proverbs 24:11-13
Friday, October 29, 2010
Keeping on keeping on....
When I met Trey I knew it was because God brought us together.
I remember being in my car, listening to Christian radio, and having the realization that:
IF I WAS EVER GOING TO GET OUT OF MY CURRENT SITUATION IN LIFE, IT WAS GOING TO TAKE GOD TO DO IT.
Then I had a vision of a man---a single Dad whose kids played soccer.
Via Myspace a man, who I had met weeks earlier through a mutual friend, began exchanging emails with me. He was a single dad...whose daughter played soccer.
Today that man is my husband, the father of my 2 stepchildren, and father to my 2, soon-to-be 3, children.
Some days this life brings such great challenges that I forget that God placed me in this family.
I don't wish being a step-mommy on anyone. It is thankless and dramatic...a rollercoaster of emotions, to say the least. You are but you aren't. You want to, but it isn't your place, but you just might have to anyway and suffer the consequences. You're tired, but it needs to be done. They're yours, but they aren't (but they really are *wink*).
I want to run away and find a home with one mommy and one daddy so badly some days! I have to remember, it wasn't for no reason that I am a part of THIS home. God's plan is for me to be here. When I said my vows, they were to many many people.
Staying strong when I want to quit is so hard. God gives me strength...especially on days like this. I know one day I will "see" what I "know"...that there is a REASON for all of this.
Me and MY Bonus kids...back when we were "dating":)
Crazy that Conner was Joey's age when we started dating!
Even crazier that that little girl to down there to my right is now a beautiful young lady...a teenager and everything!
I remember being in my car, listening to Christian radio, and having the realization that:
IF I WAS EVER GOING TO GET OUT OF MY CURRENT SITUATION IN LIFE, IT WAS GOING TO TAKE GOD TO DO IT.
Then I had a vision of a man---a single Dad whose kids played soccer.
Via Myspace a man, who I had met weeks earlier through a mutual friend, began exchanging emails with me. He was a single dad...whose daughter played soccer.
Today that man is my husband, the father of my 2 stepchildren, and father to my 2, soon-to-be 3, children.
Some days this life brings such great challenges that I forget that God placed me in this family.
I don't wish being a step-mommy on anyone. It is thankless and dramatic...a rollercoaster of emotions, to say the least. You are but you aren't. You want to, but it isn't your place, but you just might have to anyway and suffer the consequences. You're tired, but it needs to be done. They're yours, but they aren't (but they really are *wink*).
I want to run away and find a home with one mommy and one daddy so badly some days! I have to remember, it wasn't for no reason that I am a part of THIS home. God's plan is for me to be here. When I said my vows, they were to many many people.
Staying strong when I want to quit is so hard. God gives me strength...especially on days like this. I know one day I will "see" what I "know"...that there is a REASON for all of this.
Me and MY Bonus kids...back when we were "dating":)
Crazy that Conner was Joey's age when we started dating!
Even crazier that that little girl to down there to my right is now a beautiful young lady...a teenager and everything!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sometimes....
...I hear about all the fun and interesting things my friends who have not journeyed onto parenthood are doing....and get a little jealous. Then my baby kicks, my daughter begs for me to pick her up, and my son tells me I am a princess.
There's a whole wide world out there I long to explore, but where I am just might be my greatest adventure:)
I know this is my greatest accomplishment.
There's a whole wide world out there I long to explore, but where I am just might be my greatest adventure:)
I know this is my greatest accomplishment.
Monday, October 25, 2010
When it rains....
So we are starting to discover some of the "joys" of being homeowners of an older home.
It started with my bathroom grout. For a week straight I tried something new in between those shower tiles....nothing works! I have to just suck it up and live with black lines in between the tiles in my shower.
Next would be foundational cracks....everywhere. In each room there exists at least one crack that Trey has promised me is just because the house is "settling". Well, this is very unsettling for me!
Then there was the dryer. We lost our brand new dryer when we sold our last house (the brand new one that we built from the ground up with the pretty granite counter tops and tile stone flooring that was ENTIRELY too small...) so we adopted the one that was left here by the previous homeowner. Suddenly there was no heat coming from the machine which was running fine....great. We did our research and tried numerous different fix-its with no results...So new dryer it had to be.
Then there was the puddle of water accumulating near the sink on my kitchen floor...the funky smell coming out from underneath the garbage disposal. After digging around under there (Trey had to do this for I did NOT have the stomach!)Trey discovered a HOLE in our garbage disposal. A HOLE?! REALLY!? Yep...that confirmed that another item would be needing replacement in our geriatric home. Fabulous.
A tree died in our front yard. Trey went out there this weekend, after we installed the new dryer, and used an ax to break it down. Our front yard feels slightly naked and exposed, but at least we have more firewood, now!
I'm scared of what might come next! I know for sure that this spring our deck has to be sanded and painted...a few boards might even need replacing. Wow, I'm running out of energy, patience, and money FAST! I didn't think that it would be this stressful having an older home! At least it's in a fabulous neighborhood and a great school district:)
I never thought that I would have to talk about a "next house" again....but now I know that I do. And our NEXT HOUSE will be new so that when we run into these issues that need repair and replacement, we have been there a while and are older with more money to handle the problems as they arise!
It started with my bathroom grout. For a week straight I tried something new in between those shower tiles....nothing works! I have to just suck it up and live with black lines in between the tiles in my shower.
Next would be foundational cracks....everywhere. In each room there exists at least one crack that Trey has promised me is just because the house is "settling". Well, this is very unsettling for me!
Then there was the dryer. We lost our brand new dryer when we sold our last house (the brand new one that we built from the ground up with the pretty granite counter tops and tile stone flooring that was ENTIRELY too small...) so we adopted the one that was left here by the previous homeowner. Suddenly there was no heat coming from the machine which was running fine....great. We did our research and tried numerous different fix-its with no results...So new dryer it had to be.
Then there was the puddle of water accumulating near the sink on my kitchen floor...the funky smell coming out from underneath the garbage disposal. After digging around under there (Trey had to do this for I did NOT have the stomach!)Trey discovered a HOLE in our garbage disposal. A HOLE?! REALLY!? Yep...that confirmed that another item would be needing replacement in our geriatric home. Fabulous.
A tree died in our front yard. Trey went out there this weekend, after we installed the new dryer, and used an ax to break it down. Our front yard feels slightly naked and exposed, but at least we have more firewood, now!
I'm scared of what might come next! I know for sure that this spring our deck has to be sanded and painted...a few boards might even need replacing. Wow, I'm running out of energy, patience, and money FAST! I didn't think that it would be this stressful having an older home! At least it's in a fabulous neighborhood and a great school district:)
I never thought that I would have to talk about a "next house" again....but now I know that I do. And our NEXT HOUSE will be new so that when we run into these issues that need repair and replacement, we have been there a while and are older with more money to handle the problems as they arise!
Friday, October 15, 2010
"Robot Son"
Yesterday was a re-evaluation appointment for Conner's ADHD treatment. I never knew if ADHD was "real" problem or not. For a short time in college I was on ADD meds and so I know how they feel and what they did to me. If I took them as I should then I was a very normal, functioning, happy, straight "B" student....I almost never took them like I was supposed to. I eventually quit taking them altogether when I no longer had health benefits and, using the skills I learned to focus and organize while medicated, live a life where I don't need them.
When I met Conner he was a very happy, VERY energetic little 3 year old boy. Bright, cute, potty-trained, in daycare, and adjusting to what had been a year of going back and forth between his recovering addict Mother's house and his single-Dad's place. Every day I would hear from Trey about how Conner was getting into trouble at daycare. Hitting teachers, biting students, not following directions, etc. I thought that this was probably not very normal, but neither is being 3 and going through your parent's divorce. As time went on his behavior issues continued. He could never follow instructions, we would always practice following 2 and 3 step instructions with him at home. He was always very hungry for attention. Easily made jealous, always wanting to be babied and held, and quick to mis-behave to receive attention...for negative attention was obviously not something that he feared. When Conner started pre-school we saw his behavior improve. He was now in the same class every day with a structured schedule and a very experienced teacher who was consistent and didn't put up with "nonsense". Still, notes would come home and phone calls would be made that Conner was having trouble from time to time...more often than not.
Kindergarten year Trey and I married. We had been living together for a year prior, but this sealed the deal that I was a permanent fixture in the family. Any issues that Conner was having before concerned me on a much a deeper level now. This was my child, too. Halfway through kindergarten, and several "red days" and notes home from the teacher later, Trey and Shannon finally took Conner to the pediatrician for his behavior...complete lack of self-control, and hyperactivity.
He was put on a very low-dose of Ritalin. At first we noticed that Conner was very quiet when he was put on his meds, but as time went on he adjusted and was back to his normal self again...only better. He started getting "green" days at school! His time spent there was more for learning and playing and socializing instead of trouble, time-outs, and being distracted from his educational reasons for being there.
Through first grade his medication was adjusted to accomodate his growing body and his slight tolerance to the meds. As he started to bring home straight "A" work and spelling tests, we knew that we had done the right thing for our son. Outside of school we faced a good deal less behavior issues. We found Conner was able to entertain himself with books and toys instead of begging to zone out in front of a television or hang onto our legs every second of every day demanding attention that would result in mis-behavior if it wasn't received. I now knew that ADHD was a real disease with a real treatment. Our pediatrician assured us that there would be no long-term effects, that in time he would learn how to focus on things on his own, and that his chances for developing drinking and drug habits when he got older were decreased if he continued to properly take his medication through his schooling years. (With his Mom's history this meant a lot to US.)
For us, it has been a no-brainer. Now, halfway through 2nd grade, we are facing a huge issue. BIO-MOM. Shannon thinks that when Conner is focused and well-behaved and not clamoring for her attention, that he has been flipped into "robot" mode. She says that when he is playing independently and reading books on his own that it is because we've turned him into a "ZOMBIE". SERIOUSLY?!?!
Yesterday at the re-evaluation appointment she was getting strange looks from the doctor as she yelled at Trey that he just wanted a "robot son" and not the REAL CONNER. Trey argued that Conner's medication helps him to be the best version of himself that he can be and that the past several years have prooved that. She argued back that when he's medicated he is "just not her son". Okay, I can see where she is coming from. When he is medicated he doesn't pine for her attention in the same manner. When he is medicated he is able to sleep in his own bed (not in hers with her)...he is more secure, confident, and independent. I can understand for a mother that when your child starts to need you less that it stings a bit. But should we really take him off of his meds for these reasons? Or even decrease a dosage that is working out so perfectly for him? As Conner's parent, and the parent who primarily cares for him, I don't think we should make these changes. What do we do to win this battle for Conner? What do we do to make her see?
At times like this I just have to re-state that "Shared Parenting" and "Shared Custody" is for parents who can AGREE on what is best for their children....I can't remember the last time that this happened....
Here I sit, as always, a helpless, concerned, stepparent. :( I hope they can reach a decision together....fast.
When I met Conner he was a very happy, VERY energetic little 3 year old boy. Bright, cute, potty-trained, in daycare, and adjusting to what had been a year of going back and forth between his recovering addict Mother's house and his single-Dad's place. Every day I would hear from Trey about how Conner was getting into trouble at daycare. Hitting teachers, biting students, not following directions, etc. I thought that this was probably not very normal, but neither is being 3 and going through your parent's divorce. As time went on his behavior issues continued. He could never follow instructions, we would always practice following 2 and 3 step instructions with him at home. He was always very hungry for attention. Easily made jealous, always wanting to be babied and held, and quick to mis-behave to receive attention...for negative attention was obviously not something that he feared. When Conner started pre-school we saw his behavior improve. He was now in the same class every day with a structured schedule and a very experienced teacher who was consistent and didn't put up with "nonsense". Still, notes would come home and phone calls would be made that Conner was having trouble from time to time...more often than not.
Kindergarten year Trey and I married. We had been living together for a year prior, but this sealed the deal that I was a permanent fixture in the family. Any issues that Conner was having before concerned me on a much a deeper level now. This was my child, too. Halfway through kindergarten, and several "red days" and notes home from the teacher later, Trey and Shannon finally took Conner to the pediatrician for his behavior...complete lack of self-control, and hyperactivity.
He was put on a very low-dose of Ritalin. At first we noticed that Conner was very quiet when he was put on his meds, but as time went on he adjusted and was back to his normal self again...only better. He started getting "green" days at school! His time spent there was more for learning and playing and socializing instead of trouble, time-outs, and being distracted from his educational reasons for being there.
Through first grade his medication was adjusted to accomodate his growing body and his slight tolerance to the meds. As he started to bring home straight "A" work and spelling tests, we knew that we had done the right thing for our son. Outside of school we faced a good deal less behavior issues. We found Conner was able to entertain himself with books and toys instead of begging to zone out in front of a television or hang onto our legs every second of every day demanding attention that would result in mis-behavior if it wasn't received. I now knew that ADHD was a real disease with a real treatment. Our pediatrician assured us that there would be no long-term effects, that in time he would learn how to focus on things on his own, and that his chances for developing drinking and drug habits when he got older were decreased if he continued to properly take his medication through his schooling years. (With his Mom's history this meant a lot to US.)
For us, it has been a no-brainer. Now, halfway through 2nd grade, we are facing a huge issue. BIO-MOM. Shannon thinks that when Conner is focused and well-behaved and not clamoring for her attention, that he has been flipped into "robot" mode. She says that when he is playing independently and reading books on his own that it is because we've turned him into a "ZOMBIE". SERIOUSLY?!?!
Yesterday at the re-evaluation appointment she was getting strange looks from the doctor as she yelled at Trey that he just wanted a "robot son" and not the REAL CONNER. Trey argued that Conner's medication helps him to be the best version of himself that he can be and that the past several years have prooved that. She argued back that when he's medicated he is "just not her son". Okay, I can see where she is coming from. When he is medicated he doesn't pine for her attention in the same manner. When he is medicated he is able to sleep in his own bed (not in hers with her)...he is more secure, confident, and independent. I can understand for a mother that when your child starts to need you less that it stings a bit. But should we really take him off of his meds for these reasons? Or even decrease a dosage that is working out so perfectly for him? As Conner's parent, and the parent who primarily cares for him, I don't think we should make these changes. What do we do to win this battle for Conner? What do we do to make her see?
At times like this I just have to re-state that "Shared Parenting" and "Shared Custody" is for parents who can AGREE on what is best for their children....I can't remember the last time that this happened....
Here I sit, as always, a helpless, concerned, stepparent. :( I hope they can reach a decision together....fast.
Friday, October 8, 2010
We have words!
Ailey is talking up a storm! Here is her collection of words:
"Dada"
"Mama"
"Sis"
"Hey!"
"Daisy!"
"Day-dooo" (this is "Thank you" and she says it after being given things...so cute!)
"Baba"
Her little voice is so sweet. I love when they start using words. It's when they start using their opinions that it gets a little frustrating:)
In other Ailey news, still no walking! I haven't been working with her on this, either. I think I might start, though. She is getting pretty heavy for me to carry and wear around! Carrying two babies...challenging on the back!
3 more weeks until my "Celebrating 1 Year of Gracey-Facey" blog! :( <---sad face.
"Dada"
"Mama"
"Sis"
"Hey!"
"Daisy!"
"Day-dooo" (this is "Thank you" and she says it after being given things...so cute!)
"Baba"
Her little voice is so sweet. I love when they start using words. It's when they start using their opinions that it gets a little frustrating:)
In other Ailey news, still no walking! I haven't been working with her on this, either. I think I might start, though. She is getting pretty heavy for me to carry and wear around! Carrying two babies...challenging on the back!
3 more weeks until my "Celebrating 1 Year of Gracey-Facey" blog! :( <---sad face.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Birthday Season
That's what my fall is...."Birthday Season". 1 kid - 1 birthday - each month - for 3 months straight.
This non-stop celebrating is so much fun for the kids.
For Mommy....it's exhausting.
For the bank account....it's even more exhausting!
I'm getting pretty good at cake decorating.
Party City employees are starting to say, "oh here she comes again".
I'm finding icing in crevices in my kitchen from one cake while starting on another.
There are birthday candles burning in my eyes when I'm asleep.
Okay, that last one was kind of a stretch....
Anyway, the fall is still my favorite time of the year, but I look forward to December when I can take a break....and let someone else worry about making the cake...for me:)
This non-stop celebrating is so much fun for the kids.
For Mommy....it's exhausting.
For the bank account....it's even more exhausting!
I'm getting pretty good at cake decorating.
Party City employees are starting to say, "oh here she comes again".
I'm finding icing in crevices in my kitchen from one cake while starting on another.
There are birthday candles burning in my eyes when I'm asleep.
Okay, that last one was kind of a stretch....
Anyway, the fall is still my favorite time of the year, but I look forward to December when I can take a break....and let someone else worry about making the cake...for me:)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
2 year old ramblings
i hungey. i want pop tarts. i want to talk to Daddy. pleeeeease. (tries to strangle baby with a scarf.) ew, mommy, come look at this spider web right here. ow, it itches! (hugs baby...squeezing around neck. bites baby knee cap.) (gets put in time out) mommy i wanted to kiss her! i wanted to kiss her! hey! mommy? mommy? (cant stop rubbing eyes) ew mommy! a spider! that spider name Aragog? mommyyyyyy! (joey be quiet in time out) that spider name Amagog?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
It's HEEERRRE!
Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.
-- William Galvin
Carly will be a teenager in a week. However, the teen stuff has officially started. (We can say "stuff", we know what it really is...)
As a very wise woman, the woman Carly is named after in fact, used to say;
"ALIENS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY DAUGTHTER!"
I am entirely too young to be raising a teenager...especially a teen girl, at that. BUT, this is part of the plan that God had when he brought me into this family. So here we go....
As I age faster than normal and stress-out on a daily basis, here are some humorous (and some meaningful) quotes that might help me to laugh to keep from going crazy:
Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.
-- Virginia Satir
Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.
-- Karen Savage and Patricia Adams
Arguing with a teenager is like wrestling in the mud with a pig. Sooner or later you figure out that he/she is enjoying it.
-- Author Unknown
At fourteen you don't need sickness or death for tragedy.
-- Jessamyn West
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
-- Doug Larson (That's for you sweet mentors of mine!)
I am every emotion times ten, I conform yet I'm rebellious, always obeying but somehow still an outlaw, always talking but never heard, I am a teenager.
-- Author Unknown
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
-- Erma Bombeck (LOL!)
Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
-- Author Unknown
The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.
-- Judith Martin
The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
-- Quentin Crisp
Lord, help me...and guide Carly....and guide me to help you to guide her. Amen
Lead Me With Strong Hands
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
- SANCTUS REAL
-- William Galvin
Carly will be a teenager in a week. However, the teen stuff has officially started. (We can say "stuff", we know what it really is...)
As a very wise woman, the woman Carly is named after in fact, used to say;
"ALIENS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY DAUGTHTER!"
I am entirely too young to be raising a teenager...especially a teen girl, at that. BUT, this is part of the plan that God had when he brought me into this family. So here we go....
As I age faster than normal and stress-out on a daily basis, here are some humorous (and some meaningful) quotes that might help me to laugh to keep from going crazy:
Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.
-- Virginia Satir
Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.
-- Karen Savage and Patricia Adams
Arguing with a teenager is like wrestling in the mud with a pig. Sooner or later you figure out that he/she is enjoying it.
-- Author Unknown
At fourteen you don't need sickness or death for tragedy.
-- Jessamyn West
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
-- Doug Larson (That's for you sweet mentors of mine!)
I am every emotion times ten, I conform yet I'm rebellious, always obeying but somehow still an outlaw, always talking but never heard, I am a teenager.
-- Author Unknown
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
-- Erma Bombeck (LOL!)
Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
-- Author Unknown
The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.
-- Judith Martin
The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
-- Quentin Crisp
Lord, help me...and guide Carly....and guide me to help you to guide her. Amen
Lead Me With Strong Hands
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
- SANCTUS REAL
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Christmas Dinner
So last night I didn't even feel much like making dinner. I had one of those bake and glaze spiral hams in the fridge that needed to be used. I plopped it in the oven. It smelled delish...all sweet like honey and cinnamon.
Then I decided to light some fall-theme-scented candles...cinnamon apple, pumpkin spice....all those nice cozy scents.
Next thing I knew, despite my lack of energy, I was feeling drawn to make a green bean casserole.
Gaining more momentum, I decided that mashed potatoes would be a lovely addition to this meal.
Next thing you know I've got a Christmas feast!
As things simmer in the oven and start to come together for dinner, I open up the Pandora and start some Bing Crosby Christmas.
I called the family in for dinner.
"It smells SO GOOD in here! Oh my gosh!"
"Wait, why is there Christmas music playing?"
"Oh my gosh you prepared Christmas dinner! This is awesome!"
As the tunes played, the candles burned and little tummies filled with yummy food. Family gathered around the table, smiling faces, and good conversation.
I think that we should celebrate Christmas several times throughout the year. It was so nice! The kids loved it....and so did we:)
Then I decided to light some fall-theme-scented candles...cinnamon apple, pumpkin spice....all those nice cozy scents.
Next thing I knew, despite my lack of energy, I was feeling drawn to make a green bean casserole.
Gaining more momentum, I decided that mashed potatoes would be a lovely addition to this meal.
Next thing you know I've got a Christmas feast!
As things simmer in the oven and start to come together for dinner, I open up the Pandora and start some Bing Crosby Christmas.
I called the family in for dinner.
"It smells SO GOOD in here! Oh my gosh!"
"Wait, why is there Christmas music playing?"
"Oh my gosh you prepared Christmas dinner! This is awesome!"
As the tunes played, the candles burned and little tummies filled with yummy food. Family gathered around the table, smiling faces, and good conversation.
I think that we should celebrate Christmas several times throughout the year. It was so nice! The kids loved it....and so did we:)
Friday, September 3, 2010
non-deletable
If someone treats you badly, what do you do?
For me, I turn the other cheek....to start off with. We all say things that we don't mean. Sometimes we too quickly speak our mind and then wish we could take it back. I get that. I can forgive these instances.
When someone continues to treat you badly, what do you do?
For me, I start spending less time around that person. Maybe they aren't worth my time? After all, who wants to have their feelings hurt over and over?
When it doesn't stop, what next?
Delete their phone number? Delete them from your social-networking site? Walk the opposite direction when you see them in public? Block their access to your life in numerous ways as a form of defense mechanism, right?
There is a person in my life who hurts me over and over again. A person who I have given chance after chance after chance. A person who I have prayed to God to help to me to love, even though she treats me as if I am not even human. Instead, she treats me as if I have murdered every person she allegedly loves...even though all I have ever done is bring them happiness.
She is the mother of my husband's children. I cannot delete her from my life. I have to allow her to stay. I have to allow her to keep breaking my heart. You might advise that I just put up a shield and not let it get to me, but that would require detaching from my step-children....and would I be who I am if I did that?
If I just stopped caring about what makes them happy....stopped loving them, would they benefit from that?
I often wonder, but the answer is that I can't stop loving and caring for them...and why would anyone ever want me to?
Thank you to my friends and family who have loved and supported me as I have dealt with all the pain and suffering this "non-deletable" individual has caused me.
My apologies to all of you who, just as I have grown tired of the abuse, have grown tired of the subject topic.
But I can't delete her. I can't change my phone number. I can't run away. I can't get rid of her...because it would mean getting rid of my husband and bonus babies...and they are my family! This is just who I am, what I will always have to deal with, and a topic that will always come up...
I hate that it is this way.
I continue to pray for change in her heart.
But I assure you, anytime I need to talk about it, it's because I have suffered more deeply than anyone could even begin to understand. I haven't even EVER met another 50/50 custody step-mom. I know they surely exist, but my search is still on.
There's nothing left for ME to do...because no matter how hard I have tried to form a positive relationship with this woman, four years later, her only interests lie in a strong desire to hurt me...to live her life openly admitting that she is out to seek revenge on me for falling in love with her ex-husband and children.
Shame on me.
(sarcasm)
Thank you if you are one of the people in my life who continues to allow me to talk to you about my "non-deletable"...because it's really good, cheap, therapy:)
For me, I turn the other cheek....to start off with. We all say things that we don't mean. Sometimes we too quickly speak our mind and then wish we could take it back. I get that. I can forgive these instances.
When someone continues to treat you badly, what do you do?
For me, I start spending less time around that person. Maybe they aren't worth my time? After all, who wants to have their feelings hurt over and over?
When it doesn't stop, what next?
Delete their phone number? Delete them from your social-networking site? Walk the opposite direction when you see them in public? Block their access to your life in numerous ways as a form of defense mechanism, right?
There is a person in my life who hurts me over and over again. A person who I have given chance after chance after chance. A person who I have prayed to God to help to me to love, even though she treats me as if I am not even human. Instead, she treats me as if I have murdered every person she allegedly loves...even though all I have ever done is bring them happiness.
She is the mother of my husband's children. I cannot delete her from my life. I have to allow her to stay. I have to allow her to keep breaking my heart. You might advise that I just put up a shield and not let it get to me, but that would require detaching from my step-children....and would I be who I am if I did that?
If I just stopped caring about what makes them happy....stopped loving them, would they benefit from that?
I often wonder, but the answer is that I can't stop loving and caring for them...and why would anyone ever want me to?
Thank you to my friends and family who have loved and supported me as I have dealt with all the pain and suffering this "non-deletable" individual has caused me.
My apologies to all of you who, just as I have grown tired of the abuse, have grown tired of the subject topic.
But I can't delete her. I can't change my phone number. I can't run away. I can't get rid of her...because it would mean getting rid of my husband and bonus babies...and they are my family! This is just who I am, what I will always have to deal with, and a topic that will always come up...
I hate that it is this way.
I continue to pray for change in her heart.
But I assure you, anytime I need to talk about it, it's because I have suffered more deeply than anyone could even begin to understand. I haven't even EVER met another 50/50 custody step-mom. I know they surely exist, but my search is still on.
There's nothing left for ME to do...because no matter how hard I have tried to form a positive relationship with this woman, four years later, her only interests lie in a strong desire to hurt me...to live her life openly admitting that she is out to seek revenge on me for falling in love with her ex-husband and children.
Shame on me.
(sarcasm)
Thank you if you are one of the people in my life who continues to allow me to talk to you about my "non-deletable"...because it's really good, cheap, therapy:)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I don't have a cute little picture of Joey toting a backpack.....
So many of my friends have decided to send their 2 (soon to be 3) year-olds off to pre-school this fall.
They have posted photos of their adorable little tot in some of the cutest little outfits I have ever seen, toting their first backpacks and a big, "I'm ready for adventure" grin.
This has given me my first taste of how life will be different for my children if we end-up homeschooling.
Will they end up lacking independence and social skills? Or will they be more mature for spending so much more time around adults? Will I be depriving them of life experiences? Or will what we experience in our home adventures not only be enough, but give them a lifetime of family memories, as well?
It's such a tough decision and it's one that I continue to pray about each day.
I will say that Joey is doing great with what we have done at home so far this school year. Every morning he is the one telling me it's time for "homework"...that's what he calls it and he's so excited about it.
I will also say that I love having him here with me all day long and I can't imagine sending him away from me...even if only for a few days a week!
Decisions...decisions....
They have posted photos of their adorable little tot in some of the cutest little outfits I have ever seen, toting their first backpacks and a big, "I'm ready for adventure" grin.
This has given me my first taste of how life will be different for my children if we end-up homeschooling.
Will they end up lacking independence and social skills? Or will they be more mature for spending so much more time around adults? Will I be depriving them of life experiences? Or will what we experience in our home adventures not only be enough, but give them a lifetime of family memories, as well?
It's such a tough decision and it's one that I continue to pray about each day.
I will say that Joey is doing great with what we have done at home so far this school year. Every morning he is the one telling me it's time for "homework"...that's what he calls it and he's so excited about it.
I will also say that I love having him here with me all day long and I can't imagine sending him away from me...even if only for a few days a week!
Decisions...decisions....
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I can't believe it's not blue!
This past weekend we went ahead and went to The Prenatal Picture (www.theprenatalpicture.com)to see our little baby and to confirm my certainties that our house was going to be blessed by the energy and curiosities of another boy. Because of the episode I went through with determining Ailey's gender (little stinker wouldn't un-cross her legs!), I am practically a professional at gender determination via ultrasound. The MOMENT that I saw the screen I knew that my intuitions were *pleasantly*, completely inaccurate. I was staring at "THE" 3 lines! "I know what it is!" I said trying to stay calm before she said, "Yeah, I won't keep you guessing for long...it's a girl."
A GIRL!? Really!? The next thing I said was, "Oh my gosh! A sister! I love my sister!"
I am so excited for Ailey that I am not carrying just her baby sister, but her best friend for life. She won't know it, most likely until she's in her 20's, but she's going to have a best friend born in February!
As for me, I never imagined that I would even have one daughter...but two!? I really need to get on the dress-making and bow-making! I can't wait to dress them in little identical outfits...especially for holidays. I think it will be so sweet to see them playing dress up and house together.
What a blessing it will be to teach them about the wonderful joys of being a lady! Oh here come the waterworks....I guess the shock still hasn't fizzled out yet.
Thank you GOD for the blessing of babies....and the amazing gift of sisterhood.
A GIRL!? Really!? The next thing I said was, "Oh my gosh! A sister! I love my sister!"
I am so excited for Ailey that I am not carrying just her baby sister, but her best friend for life. She won't know it, most likely until she's in her 20's, but she's going to have a best friend born in February!
As for me, I never imagined that I would even have one daughter...but two!? I really need to get on the dress-making and bow-making! I can't wait to dress them in little identical outfits...especially for holidays. I think it will be so sweet to see them playing dress up and house together.
What a blessing it will be to teach them about the wonderful joys of being a lady! Oh here come the waterworks....I guess the shock still hasn't fizzled out yet.
Thank you GOD for the blessing of babies....and the amazing gift of sisterhood.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Positively BLOG
Okay, so lately my family blog has turned into a place where I rant and complain...mostly about "you know who" and all her bad decisions. It's been a rough couple of weeks. This month, between myself and the children, we have have been to the doctor's a lot....dentist, oral surgeon, pediatrician, optometrist, obgyn, physician, ENT. We are out of money and this Momma is OUT OF ENERGY!
But, today, I am looking forward and bringing you a positive blog! *SMILE!*
Let me start with I love my husband. He works so hard at his job so that I can work hard around our home. He always stays so positive and strong for me...when I "just can't take it anymore". He always rubs my back whenever I ask him to. He rocks.
Keeping things chronological, Carly is awesome. There are so many things about her age and the upcoming years of her life that make me a nervous wreck, but when I talk to her I am reminded of how smart she is and how much she is not like me in junior high. Still, I see what is happening around her...to her friends and at her mom's house...and I hold on tight to my faith and to the special relationship she and I have built over the past 4 years. She's a combination of excited and nervous for school to start. We were unsuccessful in helping her to meet at least one person from her new school this summer. She's at a weird age right now where she can no longer walk up to someone and introduce herself and try to make friends. School starts next week...I can't wait to see what is in store for her! Exactly one month after school starts, our sweet girl will turn 13!
We've got Conner all signed up for Football for this fall! It's a big commitment this year. Practice is 3 nights a week for 2.5 hours and games are on Saturdays! This will be so good for him, though. He really needs to be in a situation where he is around kids his age that frequently and in a team setting. I think this will be the key to him making a good group of close friends. I still can't get him to eat healthily, but he's really started making an effort and keeps asking me, "Meme, am I getting better at eating good foods?" Aw, bless him:)
Joey keeps me on my toes, for sure. Actually, to be more realistic, he just plain stresses me out and cannot behave himself to save his life. (I know I said this was a positive blog, but Joey's 2...almost 3....I just have to be real here!) He wakes up way too early and fights us on going to bed until it's way too late. In between waking and falling asleep he does the opposite of what I ask, talks back, screams, and is out of control. He reminds me 100% of Conner at 3 only there aren't any teachers around for him to smack in the face and disrespect. He doesn't do well with breaking out of routine. He has no interest in using the potty and I am starting to believe that he enjoys his diaper. We are starting pre-school this fall which I am pretty nervous about. During Ailey's morning nap he and I will start schooling. I'm only hoping I can hold his attention long enough and well enough for him to learn. If this doesn't go well it isn't going to leave a great feeling in my heart about homeschooling. *prayers*
I can't believe that Ailey will be 1 in under 3 months! (I also can't believe I will have 3, 3 and under come February!) Ailey is smart and sweet and beautiful. She is crawling, pulling up, and cruising all over the place. She says, "Mama", "Dada" and "babababa". She always curls her toes and drinks her bottle with her feet. She adores her older siblings and it is so sweet to see her reunions with them after they have been away.....she giggles and kicks her feet in delight.
As for me, I'm positively tired:) The last couple of weeks have been an emotional and financial whirlwind. I'm hoping that our beach getaway next week will be a way to refill our tanks. I'm looking forward to the routine of the school year. I LOVE the fall! How exciting that it is just around the corner! I love the changing of the leaves, the smell of pumpkin, the constant simmer of my crock pot, and the roundness of my tummy that I have known every fall but one for the past 4 years. I love when it starts to get dark earlier and when our family favorites come back on tv. The start of the school year this year, for me, is going to be the start of a fresh beginning for our family. Amazing how three miserable weeks can make it seem like difficulties have been present for longer than they have. God's gotten us through these hard times and I know they are just about over:)
Praying for strength, happiness, and POSITIVITY!!!
"When your feet are dragging on the ground Stand up and face whatever you're afraid of.
When pandemonium is all around...That's when you find out what it is you're made of.
If you will just believe it's true Then there is nothing you can't do There's not a mountain that you can't climb There's not a river you can't make it over There's no tomorrow that you can't find if you try I know you're gonna make it Nothing can stop you now!"
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I know I can!"
-The Little Engine That Could
But, today, I am looking forward and bringing you a positive blog! *SMILE!*
Let me start with I love my husband. He works so hard at his job so that I can work hard around our home. He always stays so positive and strong for me...when I "just can't take it anymore". He always rubs my back whenever I ask him to. He rocks.
Keeping things chronological, Carly is awesome. There are so many things about her age and the upcoming years of her life that make me a nervous wreck, but when I talk to her I am reminded of how smart she is and how much she is not like me in junior high. Still, I see what is happening around her...to her friends and at her mom's house...and I hold on tight to my faith and to the special relationship she and I have built over the past 4 years. She's a combination of excited and nervous for school to start. We were unsuccessful in helping her to meet at least one person from her new school this summer. She's at a weird age right now where she can no longer walk up to someone and introduce herself and try to make friends. School starts next week...I can't wait to see what is in store for her! Exactly one month after school starts, our sweet girl will turn 13!
We've got Conner all signed up for Football for this fall! It's a big commitment this year. Practice is 3 nights a week for 2.5 hours and games are on Saturdays! This will be so good for him, though. He really needs to be in a situation where he is around kids his age that frequently and in a team setting. I think this will be the key to him making a good group of close friends. I still can't get him to eat healthily, but he's really started making an effort and keeps asking me, "Meme, am I getting better at eating good foods?" Aw, bless him:)
Joey keeps me on my toes, for sure. Actually, to be more realistic, he just plain stresses me out and cannot behave himself to save his life. (I know I said this was a positive blog, but Joey's 2...almost 3....I just have to be real here!) He wakes up way too early and fights us on going to bed until it's way too late. In between waking and falling asleep he does the opposite of what I ask, talks back, screams, and is out of control. He reminds me 100% of Conner at 3 only there aren't any teachers around for him to smack in the face and disrespect. He doesn't do well with breaking out of routine. He has no interest in using the potty and I am starting to believe that he enjoys his diaper. We are starting pre-school this fall which I am pretty nervous about. During Ailey's morning nap he and I will start schooling. I'm only hoping I can hold his attention long enough and well enough for him to learn. If this doesn't go well it isn't going to leave a great feeling in my heart about homeschooling. *prayers*
I can't believe that Ailey will be 1 in under 3 months! (I also can't believe I will have 3, 3 and under come February!) Ailey is smart and sweet and beautiful. She is crawling, pulling up, and cruising all over the place. She says, "Mama", "Dada" and "babababa". She always curls her toes and drinks her bottle with her feet. She adores her older siblings and it is so sweet to see her reunions with them after they have been away.....she giggles and kicks her feet in delight.
As for me, I'm positively tired:) The last couple of weeks have been an emotional and financial whirlwind. I'm hoping that our beach getaway next week will be a way to refill our tanks. I'm looking forward to the routine of the school year. I LOVE the fall! How exciting that it is just around the corner! I love the changing of the leaves, the smell of pumpkin, the constant simmer of my crock pot, and the roundness of my tummy that I have known every fall but one for the past 4 years. I love when it starts to get dark earlier and when our family favorites come back on tv. The start of the school year this year, for me, is going to be the start of a fresh beginning for our family. Amazing how three miserable weeks can make it seem like difficulties have been present for longer than they have. God's gotten us through these hard times and I know they are just about over:)
Praying for strength, happiness, and POSITIVITY!!!
"When your feet are dragging on the ground Stand up and face whatever you're afraid of.
When pandemonium is all around...That's when you find out what it is you're made of.
If you will just believe it's true Then there is nothing you can't do There's not a mountain that you can't climb There's not a river you can't make it over There's no tomorrow that you can't find if you try I know you're gonna make it Nothing can stop you now!"
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I know I can!"
-The Little Engine That Could
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
we aren't even well off!
We are so blessed in what we have, but I assure you, it isn't a lot.
Bio-mom was under the impression we make a lot of money. I wish she was right. We DON'T.
It was suggested that we stop "popping out babies". LOL. I love it when people say that. Like that's all I do.....*pop*.....*pop*.....*pop*....
Let me tell you about how we manage to do what we do and live how we live. Yourself, someone you know, or crazy bio-mom may learn something from what I have to say.
My babies are born at home in the bath tub. This means that we don't pay all those hospital bills. No extra charges for epidurals, pain pills, c-sections, anti-nausea meds, etc etc etc.
After my babies are born they are exclusively breastfed. I have diapers for my infants that I use and wash and use again. In fact, for the first 6 months, my babies cost NOTHING!
When I have to put clothes on my babies, I go to the consignment store or accept generous hand-me-down donations from friends who have mothered before me. Now that I've "popped" so many out, the babies can all share clothing amongst one another.
My children are well fed and take vitamins and, in their short time on this earth, have been sick 4 times (Joey) and 1 time (Ailey). This means we rarely see doctor's bills with their name's on them.
We aren't even "well off". It is true that we just bought a $240k home...and wouldn't you know that that $240k home we don't even fit in! It is cramped, but being so close to one another makes our hearts closer, too. I am a lucky woman, yes, but I make sacrifices, too. I have been wearing the same 6 outfits for 3 years now. I don't get to take my children to Disney World or Sea World because I choose to spend my money on CARING for my children. This means if they need oral surgery, I get it for them and pay my part for it. We spend time, not money. We make memories, we don't buy them.
We don't have money to spend on our own health and dental needs, but our children, they are a priority. Even if it means Ramen noodles here and there and no trip to Florida this year, at least Carly doesn't have retained, impacted, pre-molars causing infection inside her mouth:)
If it weren't for the richness of our relationships and the love that we share, we would 100%, for sure, be considered "poor". (Just as poor as you, BM;)
Later. Off to go make a gourmet meal with 2 eggs, a potato, and a slice of turkey!
Bio-mom was under the impression we make a lot of money. I wish she was right. We DON'T.
It was suggested that we stop "popping out babies". LOL. I love it when people say that. Like that's all I do.....*pop*.....*pop*.....*pop*....
Let me tell you about how we manage to do what we do and live how we live. Yourself, someone you know, or crazy bio-mom may learn something from what I have to say.
My babies are born at home in the bath tub. This means that we don't pay all those hospital bills. No extra charges for epidurals, pain pills, c-sections, anti-nausea meds, etc etc etc.
After my babies are born they are exclusively breastfed. I have diapers for my infants that I use and wash and use again. In fact, for the first 6 months, my babies cost NOTHING!
When I have to put clothes on my babies, I go to the consignment store or accept generous hand-me-down donations from friends who have mothered before me. Now that I've "popped" so many out, the babies can all share clothing amongst one another.
My children are well fed and take vitamins and, in their short time on this earth, have been sick 4 times (Joey) and 1 time (Ailey). This means we rarely see doctor's bills with their name's on them.
We aren't even "well off". It is true that we just bought a $240k home...and wouldn't you know that that $240k home we don't even fit in! It is cramped, but being so close to one another makes our hearts closer, too. I am a lucky woman, yes, but I make sacrifices, too. I have been wearing the same 6 outfits for 3 years now. I don't get to take my children to Disney World or Sea World because I choose to spend my money on CARING for my children. This means if they need oral surgery, I get it for them and pay my part for it. We spend time, not money. We make memories, we don't buy them.
We don't have money to spend on our own health and dental needs, but our children, they are a priority. Even if it means Ramen noodles here and there and no trip to Florida this year, at least Carly doesn't have retained, impacted, pre-molars causing infection inside her mouth:)
If it weren't for the richness of our relationships and the love that we share, we would 100%, for sure, be considered "poor". (Just as poor as you, BM;)
Later. Off to go make a gourmet meal with 2 eggs, a potato, and a slice of turkey!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Another jaw-dropping tale from the "other" house...
This just in: Carly has been having sleepovers with a boy at Shannon's house. Conner let it slip, but Carly confirmed it. Carly and a young fellow named Scotty have been sleeping in the same room, over night, without a parent present. You do not let teenagers have sleepovers! Especially young ones who are experiencing what hormones are capable of for the 1st time! Yes, I trust Carly and I agree that deep platonic relationships with the opposite sex are possible and healthy. However, why can this child not come over, spend time with Carly, and leave at bed time? I trust Carly, but I don't know him and neither does Carly's Dad! I do know he is a 13 year old boy. I also know what a lot of 13 year old boys were doing when I was 13! Why are we putting
Carly and Scotty in this situation? What sort of messages is this sending to Carly? I want Carly to be comfortable around boys, but not too comfortable. I want her to like boys, but not ACT or BE LIKE boys. I want her to know and understand the differences between herself and boys. I want her to see herself as a lady and not "just one of the guys" like her mother has always enjoyed doing of herself. I want her to be respected by boys and to do that, you have to act in a certain way. When will this stop? Does Shannon still see Carly as a 3 year old? I mean, Joey LOVES his little 3 year old friend Ava and if she ever spent the night I think this would be totally appropriate. They are 3 and innocent! At 13 I know that this Scotty character is not always thinking, "Oh Carly's such a great buddy. I haven't noticed that she's transformed into a young lady at all!"
It is time for Trey and this woman who calls herself Carly's mother to go for coffee...lot's and lot's of it because a lot of conversing needs to take place!
Carly and Scotty in this situation? What sort of messages is this sending to Carly? I want Carly to be comfortable around boys, but not too comfortable. I want her to like boys, but not ACT or BE LIKE boys. I want her to know and understand the differences between herself and boys. I want her to see herself as a lady and not "just one of the guys" like her mother has always enjoyed doing of herself. I want her to be respected by boys and to do that, you have to act in a certain way. When will this stop? Does Shannon still see Carly as a 3 year old? I mean, Joey LOVES his little 3 year old friend Ava and if she ever spent the night I think this would be totally appropriate. They are 3 and innocent! At 13 I know that this Scotty character is not always thinking, "Oh Carly's such a great buddy. I haven't noticed that she's transformed into a young lady at all!"
It is time for Trey and this woman who calls herself Carly's mother to go for coffee...lot's and lot's of it because a lot of conversing needs to take place!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
"Keeping the Party Alive with Baby #5"!!!
I know I said I thought that "slow down" was a great idea. ("Slow down" is so not our style!) But, my heart had been aching...I was trying really hard to ignore it. I should have know that baby fever was going to strike. At the same time the family started feeling incomplete. Through a lot of prayer God never made me feel like He wouldn't like for us to get pregnant again. Additionally, I've always said that I don't have a problem with hand-me-down clothing, nor do I think it's unacceptable to overuse bunk beds:) There was a big, empty, spot in Joey and Ailey's nursery where another crib (which was dis-assembled and in the storage room) would fit beautifully. Everything inside of me was calling for us to do it again...."just one more time". I talked to Trey about it. He knew...he had known...I had started making mention of "not feeling done" immediately after Ailey's birth. We had originally decided on July, but we always figure it will take a couple of months...why, I don't know! So we let the "trying" begin and 3 weeks later I was the proud owner of a positive pregnancy test! I don't know why, but every time it takes my breath away to see those two little lines "smiling" up at me. I did my little happy dance, alone, in the bathroom. I thanked GOD for blessing us once again. Then, I exited the bathroom and grinned like a silly girl for the rest of the day. I didn't wait long to tell Trey. He was laying down next to Ailey while she giggled and played and turned to me to say, "She's getting so big!". I replied with, "Big enough to be a big sister?" He laughed, "haha, no". "Oh, well, she's going to be one:)". He was happy and proud as usual:) We kept to ourselves for a little while this time around. Just felt like the right thing to do. Finally we told Carly and Conner. We were super nervous to tell them. We didn't get the best reaction when we told them we were pregnant with Ailey, but something in their hearts had changed because they were both so super excited, "couldn't wait to tell their friends", etc etc. I guess they realized that no matter how many new babies come in to our family, no one is replaceable:). So the adventure begins! I'm so excited about this baby. I'm so happy to be fortunate enough to have all my babies so close together. I am enjoying watching Joey and Ailey interact already...I can't wait to see the three of them together giggling and sharing their childhoods. And as always, Carly and Conner are such sweet and caring big siblings. When we told Trey's uncle that we were expecting #5 he said that the "Duggars were afraid we would steal their TV show"....but, I think there is a surgery coming up next March that says we won't:) Our dream of adopting is still very much alive! Call us crazy, but I'm loving every minute of this sweet and precious, children and baby-filled time in our lives.
Friday, July 2, 2010
bio-mom's laughter
Yesterday Carly's cell phone rang while I was making dinner. It was her Mom who probably didn't know that Carly was at her overnight for horse camp. I went ahead and answered by saying, "hey! It's Jennifer. Carly's at her overnight for horse camp." We then proceeded to have a FIVE minute phone conversation in which I brought her up to date on what was going on with the kids and she even asked if I would take Conner to a doctor appointment! (She used to throw complete fits if I preformed ANY motherly duties.) I made her laugh twice on the phone and even shared in her excitement about her new apartment in Tega Cay. It was SO nice! Then, this morning, I made her LOL via text. ME??? Making Shannon Kaminski LAUGH???? It feels so good when we have these moments of shared, peaceful, happy, co-parenting:) I know if the kids could witness these moments it would make them glow with happiness and a great sense of security.
Friday, June 25, 2010
dreams of your own....
It's a common truth that all we do affects our children, but i received some insight today that carries that statement beyond the years in which we are raising our babies....praying for the college years to come instead of savoring every good and bad momen they are ours all ours. ...and into parenting our adult children. As adults, even without realizing it, we look to our parent's continuing examples to lead us and encourage us. Wow! What a huge responsibility we have to these little people! It's a chore, but it's also a blessing and honor. Here is my hope for myself as an adult parent: My children will still want their Mommy in times of sickness or struggle...even if its just an encouraging phone call or to run over with a cool cloth for a fever-stricken head. Being called upon, I will gladly fulfill these motherly duties. I hope and pray that when my children choose a path that might make me anxious, I will note their certainty and excitement and never let them see my hesitation. My children accomplishing their dreams is a cause for celebration even if it's not the dreams I dreamed for them. I hope and pray that I can be a holy example....more than anything else. I hope that now to my babies and in the future to my adult children I can teach, guide, and live in a way that will glorify Him. As a parent I just never considered that even after college graduation....or past the age of 23 if college ends up being left out of the dream....that my job will never be done and my INFLUENCE will be ever-present. I'm going to take on this task with great positivity and LOVE.
Monday, June 14, 2010
"Everything You Won't Let Me Do"
I am very anti-fast food, but occasionally, after days like today and nights like tonight, I surrender and let my kids dine on nuggets, apple slices, and chocolate milk from Mickey D's. So while my oldest boy and I were sitting there giggling he lets me know, "I always eat all my dinner from McDonalds!". I asked if he eats McDonalds often to which he replies "all the time...at mommies". I told him all the time isn't good because McD's isnt exactly the healthiest food. Then, he asks if the following foods his Mom makes are healthy: buttered noodles, white rice, green beans in a can, Wendy's, and pizza. I told him the truth and said he should fill up on those green beans! He asked if I could make those foods for him. I told him no. Then he said what made my heart race and my stomach sink..."Mimi, whatever you dont let me do, Mommy DOES!!!"
When Trey got home from work I told him of our conversation. Trey asked him what things he would like to do more of over at our house that his Mom lets him do. The following terrify me: Play video games whenever he wants without the timer set, play video games where people shoot other people, eat fast food all the time, get on the internet on his DsI because Mommy took it to the store and had the parental codes we set removed, and watch whatever he wants on tv. Now, of course this all needs to be cross-referenced, but I really do believe every bit of it. What do I do? I considered backing down on some rules, but only for a second. I cant let any of those rules out the window. If we say anything to his mom about it it won't change anything. It's sooo sad. My heart is so broken for what the children are subjected to over there.
This the hardest part of being a stepmommy: watching babies you know and love as your own, be mis-treated, neglected, and have their innocence threatened BY THEIR OWN BIOLOGICAL MOTHER.
I could have Trey talk to her about her lack of rules and lack of parenting and lack of morals, but that's just who she is. Forgive me for once again saying nasty things about this woman, but as a Mommy, I strongly feel she plain and simple cannot parent. :( I pray. It's the strongest and best and only defense I have.
When Trey got home from work I told him of our conversation. Trey asked him what things he would like to do more of over at our house that his Mom lets him do. The following terrify me: Play video games whenever he wants without the timer set, play video games where people shoot other people, eat fast food all the time, get on the internet on his DsI because Mommy took it to the store and had the parental codes we set removed, and watch whatever he wants on tv. Now, of course this all needs to be cross-referenced, but I really do believe every bit of it. What do I do? I considered backing down on some rules, but only for a second. I cant let any of those rules out the window. If we say anything to his mom about it it won't change anything. It's sooo sad. My heart is so broken for what the children are subjected to over there.
This the hardest part of being a stepmommy: watching babies you know and love as your own, be mis-treated, neglected, and have their innocence threatened BY THEIR OWN BIOLOGICAL MOTHER.
I could have Trey talk to her about her lack of rules and lack of parenting and lack of morals, but that's just who she is. Forgive me for once again saying nasty things about this woman, but as a Mommy, I strongly feel she plain and simple cannot parent. :( I pray. It's the strongest and best and only defense I have.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
In Tega Cay!
Hello Blog,
It's me, Jennifer. I know it's been a while!
So, we are all moved-in to our new home. It's amazing here. All the excitement of new things for the children to explore and learn about. Discovering the lake, swimming on the beach, having a big wooded backyard to run around and play in... The list really goes on and on. I feel like everyone seems happier than I have seen them in a long time...myself, included. Tega Cay is so peaceful and everyone is so friendly. We have more baked goods in our kitchen than we know what to do with...thank you welcoming neighbors!
So I know God called us to move to Tega Cay, and I am so grateful that he did. But, he has been seriously surprising me (he's SO darn good at doing that!) with all of the families I have met with lots and lotsa BABIES! First, at our real estate closing we meet our real estate lawyer. ELEVEN CHILDREN. Then, we move in and meet the family across the street...FOUR CHILDREN. Then, I ran into a homeschooling mom a few blocks down the street from me....FIVE CHILDREN. Today at Wal-Mart I hear the cashier say to the woman in front on me, "Wow, seems like you are feeding an army!"...her reply: "I am: an army of SIX." I turned to her and said, "Do you really have six children?" She smiled sweetly and turned to face me revealing her baby bump..."I do! And (rubs tummy) number SEVEN is on the way!" We continued to discuss (she was a homeschooler) homeschooling and big family living and she assured me I got it...which I already knew;) She also told me that there are so many large families in this area and a really great network for homeschoolers. I know some of you are thinking, "okay this is coincidence and you can read into it however you wish", but I KNOW what's going on here: reassurance. Not that I ever needed to be reassured that I was doing the right thing in having a large family, but, sometimes, I do love reassurance that, no, I am not crazy and there ARE other people out there whom God has called to raise many many warriors for Him. It is a sweet thing and I feel so blessed to be a mother as God has called me to be...although, I would go crazy without his constant guidance and reassurance!
Thank YOU God for bringing our family to Tega Cay, for blessing us with all we have...especially one another. Thank you for guiding our family in the way we should go and for never forsaking us on the roads you lead us down. AMEN.
It's me, Jennifer. I know it's been a while!
So, we are all moved-in to our new home. It's amazing here. All the excitement of new things for the children to explore and learn about. Discovering the lake, swimming on the beach, having a big wooded backyard to run around and play in... The list really goes on and on. I feel like everyone seems happier than I have seen them in a long time...myself, included. Tega Cay is so peaceful and everyone is so friendly. We have more baked goods in our kitchen than we know what to do with...thank you welcoming neighbors!
So I know God called us to move to Tega Cay, and I am so grateful that he did. But, he has been seriously surprising me (he's SO darn good at doing that!) with all of the families I have met with lots and lotsa BABIES! First, at our real estate closing we meet our real estate lawyer. ELEVEN CHILDREN. Then, we move in and meet the family across the street...FOUR CHILDREN. Then, I ran into a homeschooling mom a few blocks down the street from me....FIVE CHILDREN. Today at Wal-Mart I hear the cashier say to the woman in front on me, "Wow, seems like you are feeding an army!"...her reply: "I am: an army of SIX." I turned to her and said, "Do you really have six children?" She smiled sweetly and turned to face me revealing her baby bump..."I do! And (rubs tummy) number SEVEN is on the way!" We continued to discuss (she was a homeschooler) homeschooling and big family living and she assured me I got it...which I already knew;) She also told me that there are so many large families in this area and a really great network for homeschoolers. I know some of you are thinking, "okay this is coincidence and you can read into it however you wish", but I KNOW what's going on here: reassurance. Not that I ever needed to be reassured that I was doing the right thing in having a large family, but, sometimes, I do love reassurance that, no, I am not crazy and there ARE other people out there whom God has called to raise many many warriors for Him. It is a sweet thing and I feel so blessed to be a mother as God has called me to be...although, I would go crazy without his constant guidance and reassurance!
Thank YOU God for bringing our family to Tega Cay, for blessing us with all we have...especially one another. Thank you for guiding our family in the way we should go and for never forsaking us on the roads you lead us down. AMEN.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Top 10 Reason We'll Always Love Prowess Lane
10. We built it and designed it from the ground-up
9. We made some of our very best friends, The Sepanski's, while living here.
8. We got our first painting, decorating, and yard work experiences living here.
7. It was ours...and Chase Financial's, but nonetheless, it was OURS.
6. Trey proposed in this house and we got married while living in this house.
5. Cook-outs with amazing people in our driveway...because the backyard was too small to fit everyone! (lol)
4. All the family celebrations that were spent here...even though we were always cramped because our family is so big!
3. Ailey was conceived and BORN HERE in our BATH TUB!
2. We bonded as a blended family in this house.
1. For 2 1/2 wonderful years, it always felt good to come HOME to this house:)
9. We made some of our very best friends, The Sepanski's, while living here.
8. We got our first painting, decorating, and yard work experiences living here.
7. It was ours...and Chase Financial's, but nonetheless, it was OURS.
6. Trey proposed in this house and we got married while living in this house.
5. Cook-outs with amazing people in our driveway...because the backyard was too small to fit everyone! (lol)
4. All the family celebrations that were spent here...even though we were always cramped because our family is so big!
3. Ailey was conceived and BORN HERE in our BATH TUB!
2. We bonded as a blended family in this house.
1. For 2 1/2 wonderful years, it always felt good to come HOME to this house:)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Slowing down a bit....
August 18, 2006 I met Trey Montgomery. October 13th, 2006 we shared our first kiss...which caught me by surprise and confirmed that he liked me a little more than a friend. On January 25, 2007 we found out (surprise!) that I was pregnant. October 2, 2007 we met our beautiful baby boy, Joey. December of 2007 we bought and moved into our first home. January 25, 2008 Trey asked if I would be his wife. February 15, 2009 we found out we were expecting AGAIN. April 25, 2009 we tied the knot. November 8, 2009 I got the daughter I had been praying for in little Ailey Grace. March 2010 God let me know that our family would be venturing down the path to adopting from Ethiopia. April 11, 2010 we sold our house. April 20, 2010 we signed a contract on a new, bigger, house in Tega Cay.
Right now, I'm in the middle of packing and preparing to move out and then move in. I've enjoyed all of the blessings we have received since Trey and I fell in love, but we are so ready to slow down a bit! While house-hunting we were deciding between a huge 3100 square foot serious fixer-upper with 6 bedrooms, smelly carpet, insulation falling out, and out-dated EVERYTHING and a 2300 square foot, beautiful, 4 bedroom home that needed a few updates, but was otherwise in great condition. Obviously the appeal of the fixer-upper was that it was quite large. Knowing we were being called to adopt we thought that we would be stupid to not take the larger space and then take on the challenge of renovations. We made arrangements and a contractor came out to look at the place. He took measurements and said he would get back to us with quotes on all the work that needed to be done.
After our visit with the fixer-upper, we stopped by the smaller house that we were also considering. Being in the pretty house after the stress of discussing renovations with the contractor was like getting a big hug from a long lost friend. We were overcome with a sense of peace and relaxation. It was so easy for us to envision ourselves in this home. It was so pleasant being inside this home. We started to feel guilty for wanting to take the easy path and for wanting to move into a home that we wouldn't be able to stay in for forever since we wanted to adopt.
I cried a lot of tears. I LOVED the smaller house. Trey shared that he just wanted someone to tell us that "it was okay to move into the smaller home". We both wanted it. We wanted it for ourselves and we wanted it for the children that we already had. I started thinking of our children in Ethiopia. I started thinking about the ages of the children we already had. I started to get really sad when I realized that our time with Carly and Conner was already limited enough as it was...and that bringing more children in during their childhood is going to mean even less individual time with them. This smaller house was a better location for them to ride their bikes to the park. To swim in the lake. To go out in the boat that we would one day have. The backyard was great for them to get out and play in. THIS HOUSE was perfect for our family the way it is now...but not for how it would be in the future. I figured that it would be better for EVERYONE involved if we pumped our brakes a bit. We had just been declined from one of our top choice adoption agencies because they said that our youngest baby was too young and our debt to income ratio was too great to adopt at this time. Maybe we should pay attention to that. We have also received a lot of advice on adopting in birth order. Maybe we should consider that, as well.
So, instead of rushing through another 4 years of life, we are going to slow down a bit. We are going to relax and enjoy what we have. We are going to focus on the bits of actual childhood that Carly and Conner have left. We are going to get some debt paid off. We are going to reach for promotions at work. We are going to allow ourselves to adopt in birth order. I have been wrestling with a lot of emotions in delaying adoption, but I think even our adopted children will benefit in coming home to a family that is debt-free and completely prepared for them to join the family.
So, we prepare our fields some more before raising our barn. I am really excited to slow down a bit. I am used to such a fast pace that it may take some getting used to, but I think our children will really (hopefully) thank us for it. :)
Right now, I'm in the middle of packing and preparing to move out and then move in. I've enjoyed all of the blessings we have received since Trey and I fell in love, but we are so ready to slow down a bit! While house-hunting we were deciding between a huge 3100 square foot serious fixer-upper with 6 bedrooms, smelly carpet, insulation falling out, and out-dated EVERYTHING and a 2300 square foot, beautiful, 4 bedroom home that needed a few updates, but was otherwise in great condition. Obviously the appeal of the fixer-upper was that it was quite large. Knowing we were being called to adopt we thought that we would be stupid to not take the larger space and then take on the challenge of renovations. We made arrangements and a contractor came out to look at the place. He took measurements and said he would get back to us with quotes on all the work that needed to be done.
After our visit with the fixer-upper, we stopped by the smaller house that we were also considering. Being in the pretty house after the stress of discussing renovations with the contractor was like getting a big hug from a long lost friend. We were overcome with a sense of peace and relaxation. It was so easy for us to envision ourselves in this home. It was so pleasant being inside this home. We started to feel guilty for wanting to take the easy path and for wanting to move into a home that we wouldn't be able to stay in for forever since we wanted to adopt.
I cried a lot of tears. I LOVED the smaller house. Trey shared that he just wanted someone to tell us that "it was okay to move into the smaller home". We both wanted it. We wanted it for ourselves and we wanted it for the children that we already had. I started thinking of our children in Ethiopia. I started thinking about the ages of the children we already had. I started to get really sad when I realized that our time with Carly and Conner was already limited enough as it was...and that bringing more children in during their childhood is going to mean even less individual time with them. This smaller house was a better location for them to ride their bikes to the park. To swim in the lake. To go out in the boat that we would one day have. The backyard was great for them to get out and play in. THIS HOUSE was perfect for our family the way it is now...but not for how it would be in the future. I figured that it would be better for EVERYONE involved if we pumped our brakes a bit. We had just been declined from one of our top choice adoption agencies because they said that our youngest baby was too young and our debt to income ratio was too great to adopt at this time. Maybe we should pay attention to that. We have also received a lot of advice on adopting in birth order. Maybe we should consider that, as well.
So, instead of rushing through another 4 years of life, we are going to slow down a bit. We are going to relax and enjoy what we have. We are going to focus on the bits of actual childhood that Carly and Conner have left. We are going to get some debt paid off. We are going to reach for promotions at work. We are going to allow ourselves to adopt in birth order. I have been wrestling with a lot of emotions in delaying adoption, but I think even our adopted children will benefit in coming home to a family that is debt-free and completely prepared for them to join the family.
So, we prepare our fields some more before raising our barn. I am really excited to slow down a bit. I am used to such a fast pace that it may take some getting used to, but I think our children will really (hopefully) thank us for it. :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
It's a HOME, It's a TOUGH DECISION!
With our house sold and a cut-off date of June 3rd to get enrolled in the neighborhood schools in Tega Cay, we are frantically trying to figure out where we are going to live. Our closing is in 3 weeks and it would be nice to move from one house to the other instead of renting out a storage unit and essentially making 2 moves when we could just make one. At the same time, sometimes these things cannot be rushed. The house that we feel we must move in to to make our dreams of adoption come true needs, well, some work...some TLC! It's so hard to be patient, but it looks like taking our time, hiring a contractor, a structural engineer, and an inspector, are going to pay-off in the long run. Hopefully all signs will be "go" and we can get moved-in before the school year comes to a close. We are still in a full-out battle with bio-mom over where the big kids should attend school, but with no one living in Indian Land, we will have no other choice but to
(aw shucks) enroll Carly and Conner in THE BEST schools in the state (another reason we love Tega Cay).
The choice is between a lovely, wooded, 4 bedroom, 2300 square foot home with a boat slip that needs NO WORK listed at $250,000, and a not-so-good-looking, also wooded, 6 bedroom, 3200 square foot home that needs A LOT of work listed at $215,000. Decisions decisions....
I know this: that God is leading us and that He will help us to decide. Even though I so badly want to move in to the smaller, beautiful, more-expensive, EASIER, house....I think that what I want might not matter....
Below is what we are working with here:
I'm sure you can guess which is which! We need prayers that we are led to make the right choice...it's a big one! xoxo
(aw shucks) enroll Carly and Conner in THE BEST schools in the state (another reason we love Tega Cay).
The choice is between a lovely, wooded, 4 bedroom, 2300 square foot home with a boat slip that needs NO WORK listed at $250,000, and a not-so-good-looking, also wooded, 6 bedroom, 3200 square foot home that needs A LOT of work listed at $215,000. Decisions decisions....
I know this: that God is leading us and that He will help us to decide. Even though I so badly want to move in to the smaller, beautiful, more-expensive, EASIER, house....I think that what I want might not matter....
Below is what we are working with here:
I'm sure you can guess which is which! We need prayers that we are led to make the right choice...it's a big one! xoxo
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Last minute getaway....
So, last week, before the festivities of Easter weekend, I made a last minute decision to get away to the beach. It was just me and the babies. The big kids were at their mom's house and Trey was behind at work, so the timing was perfect. It was a test of nerves driving down to Ocean Isle with a 2 year old and a 5 month old....the dvd player was a lifesaver. When we finally arrived to the Ardrey beach house, it was as if I hadn't just listened to the in-van craziness for the past 3.5 hours. What a sweet little place. The house was one the far East end of the island. There was a pretty view from the kitchen and front porch. We found the upstairs bedroom and loft to be the perfect place for me and the babies to settle in. First order of business for Joey...get to the beach. After unpacking a few things I threw together a beach bag and we headed down to the water. The effects of being cooped up in a mini-van all morning were definitely showing as Joey ran around and chased after me as I pushed Ailey in her stroller. That afternoon the wind was fierce and the temperature was just right. We headed in for baths and dinner and then played on the porch as the sun set. We stayed for another day and a half. It was such sweet time with my babies. Of course, doing everything alone was exhausting, but it was worth it. Joey had so much fun playing on the beach. He loved collecting shells and making sandcastles. Little Ailey saw the ocean for the first time and felt the sand between her toes.
There were many photo opportunities....beautiful babies + beautiful scenery = MAMMARAZI! haha. I think that my kids think that having a camera in their faces is a normal part of life.
On our last day there we tracked down my spring breaking sister and spent some time with her. She had her "big boy" friends with her and Joey really enjoyed getting their attention. They were great with Joey and they all had a blast getting in touch with their inner child while digging giant holes and burying one another.
Getting away was just so good for me. Being at the beach is so calming and refreshing. It was good for Trey, too. He was able to get so much of his end-of-month work done that he got his monthly bonus! I told him I wouldn't have a problem going out of town at the end of every month...wink wink. Breaking free from routine, every once in a while, is GOOD! GOOD! GOOD!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Its not "just a toy"....
Dear parents,
Today Conner came home with yet another new "toy" from his Mother's house. After getting in trouble for not listening, we comfiscated his shiny, new, expensive I'm guessing, Nintendo DsI. After Conner went to bed Trey and I decided to investigate this new gadget. We found it had unrestricted, wireless, internet access. We also found we were able to browse hundreds of pornographic websites and images. We set every single parental block possible and still haven't decided if he is getting the stupid thing back. As parents in this day and age we should never, as Conner's Mother did, assume that a toy is just a toy. The filth we were able to access on that thing was detrimental to our child's innocence and safety. It makes me sick to think of how many children out there have parent's as clueless as bio-mom. Do I think my 7 year old would ever seek those types of websites out? No. BUT, here's the kicker, all we did was google search the word "sex".....
Today Conner came home with yet another new "toy" from his Mother's house. After getting in trouble for not listening, we comfiscated his shiny, new, expensive I'm guessing, Nintendo DsI. After Conner went to bed Trey and I decided to investigate this new gadget. We found it had unrestricted, wireless, internet access. We also found we were able to browse hundreds of pornographic websites and images. We set every single parental block possible and still haven't decided if he is getting the stupid thing back. As parents in this day and age we should never, as Conner's Mother did, assume that a toy is just a toy. The filth we were able to access on that thing was detrimental to our child's innocence and safety. It makes me sick to think of how many children out there have parent's as clueless as bio-mom. Do I think my 7 year old would ever seek those types of websites out? No. BUT, here's the kicker, all we did was google search the word "sex".....
Monday, March 29, 2010
more important things
I have this sister-in-law and she's incredibly passionate about things that really matter in this life. Recently I casually asked how things were going with their adoption of an Ethiopian baby. She started filling me in. She kept talking and stupid me kept asking and asking and asking. Finally she referenced some blogs about families who adopted and said I could learn a lot more from them. She volunteered to e-mail me the links. "No! I'm too afraid to look any further in to it!" We have four children already, you see. I was supposed to feel "done" after the birth of our last daughter, but that wasnt/isn't working for me. I had just gotten dear hubby to agree to a 5th bundle of joy, he would NEVER go for adopting on top of that! No, looking further into the world of adoption would not do me any good.
A few days passed since mine and super sister-in-laws conversation. Feeling a little brave and overwhelmed with curiosity, I YouTube searched, "Ethiopian Gotcha Day". These are videos of parents journeying to Ethiopia to bring their precious, no longer orphaned, children HOME. I couldn't stop watching. I made hubby watch a number of particularly sweet ones....which made him turn to me with my eyes full of tears and say, "you arent getting any serious ideas, are you?". I lied and told him I was just curious.
This led to me texting my SIL....."Hey, will you go ahead and e-mail me those links?" This made her laugh.....she knows me well and was probably expecting this. So she mailed them. So I read them. I laughed, I cried, and I felt something deep within me saying that adopting would be a part of my life....my family's life.
Well, this could never happen! I told my stupid big heart to cut it out and get over this unreasonable idea. The more and more I prayed to God to take this new desire away, the stronger it grew. What an annoying concept. I found myself on my knees, my heart breaking for the orphans of Ethiopia. I had done my research. I could not pretend I didnt know what was going on over there. I was led to Proverbs 24:11....
Rescue the perishing,
do not hesitate to step in and help.
If you say "that is none of my business" will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know-
Someone not impressed with weak excuses.
Okay! I hear you!
BUT remember? My sweet husband, Trey? The one who dreams of retirement and getting the kids out of the house?
I prayed that God would give me the right words at just the right time to impact Trey the same way I was being impacted...and He did! As I told my husband what I felt called to do, he listened and did not judge. His heart was open and he saw what my heart looked like as I told him I knew how crazy it sounded....but that despite the craziness, I knew our family could do it....could bless and be blessed through adoption. Then....he agreed:)
A few days passed since mine and super sister-in-laws conversation. Feeling a little brave and overwhelmed with curiosity, I YouTube searched, "Ethiopian Gotcha Day". These are videos of parents journeying to Ethiopia to bring their precious, no longer orphaned, children HOME. I couldn't stop watching. I made hubby watch a number of particularly sweet ones....which made him turn to me with my eyes full of tears and say, "you arent getting any serious ideas, are you?". I lied and told him I was just curious.
This led to me texting my SIL....."Hey, will you go ahead and e-mail me those links?" This made her laugh.....she knows me well and was probably expecting this. So she mailed them. So I read them. I laughed, I cried, and I felt something deep within me saying that adopting would be a part of my life....my family's life.
Well, this could never happen! I told my stupid big heart to cut it out and get over this unreasonable idea. The more and more I prayed to God to take this new desire away, the stronger it grew. What an annoying concept. I found myself on my knees, my heart breaking for the orphans of Ethiopia. I had done my research. I could not pretend I didnt know what was going on over there. I was led to Proverbs 24:11....
Rescue the perishing,
do not hesitate to step in and help.
If you say "that is none of my business" will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know-
Someone not impressed with weak excuses.
Okay! I hear you!
BUT remember? My sweet husband, Trey? The one who dreams of retirement and getting the kids out of the house?
I prayed that God would give me the right words at just the right time to impact Trey the same way I was being impacted...and He did! As I told my husband what I felt called to do, he listened and did not judge. His heart was open and he saw what my heart looked like as I told him I knew how crazy it sounded....but that despite the craziness, I knew our family could do it....could bless and be blessed through adoption. Then....he agreed:)
Monday, March 8, 2010
House selling, hunting, and a little more waiting than anything else...
I really need to let my realtor know I no longer want to be notified via email by central showing. I get far more emails each day than I do phone calls which means that each time the email notification goes off my heart skips a beat. Why? Because hearing from central showing, so far, has meant that I have exactly 1 hour and 45 minutes tops to prepare my home to be sold. The moments following the alert go something like this:
Call central showing to confirm in the MOST FAKE VOICE that, "sure, we'd LOVE to show the house today and we are ready!"...lies! Hang-up and get Joey occupied with the simplest, least messy, activity possible. Movie or today, I let him ride his tricycle in the garage with the garage door down! Pray that Ailey will nap or not scream like crazy as I start by making the bed and then go into the kitchen to empty the trash, notice the dishes in the sink, do the dishes, get back to the trash, go to empty the trash in the bathroom, end up bleaching the tub, go back for trash can, notice the mirror, go to get windex from the kitchen, notice the stove top needs cleaning, clean the stove top, get the windex, windex the mirror, finally take that trash from the bathroom outside, open the van doors, leave front door open, start throwing laundry in the van, throw things in a bag to leave the house, go to get the vaccum, notice dusty televisions, dust televisions, finally vaccum and so on and so on until both of my children are screaming of neglect and I am panting and searching frantically through the diaper bag I just crammed full of "leaving the house essentials" for my inhaler. WHEW! This will be the death of me. When we are moving all these things down to our home in Tega Cay it will all be worth it.
Here's the real kicker about this morning's "showing episode"....no one showed.
Call central showing to confirm in the MOST FAKE VOICE that, "sure, we'd LOVE to show the house today and we are ready!"...lies! Hang-up and get Joey occupied with the simplest, least messy, activity possible. Movie or today, I let him ride his tricycle in the garage with the garage door down! Pray that Ailey will nap or not scream like crazy as I start by making the bed and then go into the kitchen to empty the trash, notice the dishes in the sink, do the dishes, get back to the trash, go to empty the trash in the bathroom, end up bleaching the tub, go back for trash can, notice the mirror, go to get windex from the kitchen, notice the stove top needs cleaning, clean the stove top, get the windex, windex the mirror, finally take that trash from the bathroom outside, open the van doors, leave front door open, start throwing laundry in the van, throw things in a bag to leave the house, go to get the vaccum, notice dusty televisions, dust televisions, finally vaccum and so on and so on until both of my children are screaming of neglect and I am panting and searching frantically through the diaper bag I just crammed full of "leaving the house essentials" for my inhaler. WHEW! This will be the death of me. When we are moving all these things down to our home in Tega Cay it will all be worth it.
Here's the real kicker about this morning's "showing episode"....no one showed.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The "What's New With Everyone Update"
Well, let's start with Trey.
Trey is busy busy busy with work. He comes home and his brain is so full of WORK that he can't do simple things like make coffee, change diapers, put a new roll of toilet paper on the roll....it's really bad. "I'm fuzzy" he says. Yeah...if that's what you want to call it. I am surprising him next weekend with two nights of hubby/wifey date time. He needs to GET OUT and get his mind off of training classes and "numbers"...he's ALWAYS talking about d@#$ numbers! He does a great job, but he's an even better husband and Daddy when he has the energy left over. I am very proud of my husband, but I want him to RELAX.
Next, Carly. TWELVE. Today she came home from school and tells me that her and her friend are making plans to go see "The Lovely Bones" this weekend. Casually I ask her what this movie is rated. Her reply: "PG-13. And I am 12, so...yano....". Very rarely does Carly give me attitude but she did there! Instantly I hopped on the internet to study up on how many stars for family friendliness "The Lovely Bones" received.....2/5. GREAT. So Trey and I talked and talked, watched the preview, talked with Carly, and finally decided that since this friends Mother would be attending with them that she could go. Afterward we were kicking ourselves. We can't go back on our answer, but I think that WE ARE SO UNPREPARED TO RAISE A TEENAGER! Someone help us...please. Carly is a good girl, but we should have had the parental confidence to give her a big NO on this request. But then again...she would have seen the flick regardless, all she has to do is wait until next weekend when surely her Mother would have gladly taken her. UGH. Today's challenge aside, Carly continues to be a straight A student and a great little person. Her heart and soul are so sweet. Watching her enter into her junior high years has really made Trey and I nervous. I think we are also feeling inspired to begin a family Bible study at the end of each day just like the Duggars do. Note to self: research family group studies online.
Conner: Ah, Conner man! What a cool kid. Conner is in the second half of 1st grade. He's had such a great year. His teacher....LOVE HER. We are currently planning a laser tag party for his 7th birthday which is a short 3 weeks away! This birthday means that I have been in Conner's life for over half of it! He still doesn't believe me when I tell him he was only 3 years old when Daddy and I started dating. He feels like my own....;)
Joey.....MY TERRIBLE TWO. I hate seeing him this way...kicking, screaming, arguing every little thing I say to him. I have been spending a LOT of time with John Rosemond (well, his books that is...) reading about this crucial time period where Joey is realizing that the world does not revolve around him. It's tough. At his core, Joey is a lover. I still get little glimpses of who Joey was up until this past week....I miss my sweet boy, but I know he will be back.
Ailey: SO SWEET. Ailey is the easiest baby. She constantly inspires me to reproduce. I am not done, so for those of you who were wondering....so long as God wills it, we will see another baby Montgomery around this house. Ailey sleeps all night, smiles constantly, and it is easy to figure out what she needs when she actually does cry. She loves her older siblings and is a MOMMY'S GIRL. I planned it that way. :) Additionally, she IS OFF THE CHARTS FOR WEIGHT AND LENGTH. We affectionately call her our "chunk of love".
As for me, Mommy and Wifey, I am hanging in there. This past week was REALLY challenging. I am working on myself a lot...trying to speak softly always, trying to run less on emotion and more on reason, trying to put my marriage ahead of my children....being challenged by it all. I have also been very busy getting our house ready for the market. We are Tega Cay bound. I can't wait to raise my sweet family at the lake surrounded by trees, parks, and the best schools in the state.
Well, that's a quick UP TO DATE UPDATE on the Montgomerys! Loving one another, loving life, loving telling YOU all about it! ta ta!
Trey is busy busy busy with work. He comes home and his brain is so full of WORK that he can't do simple things like make coffee, change diapers, put a new roll of toilet paper on the roll....it's really bad. "I'm fuzzy" he says. Yeah...if that's what you want to call it. I am surprising him next weekend with two nights of hubby/wifey date time. He needs to GET OUT and get his mind off of training classes and "numbers"...he's ALWAYS talking about d@#$ numbers! He does a great job, but he's an even better husband and Daddy when he has the energy left over. I am very proud of my husband, but I want him to RELAX.
Next, Carly. TWELVE. Today she came home from school and tells me that her and her friend are making plans to go see "The Lovely Bones" this weekend. Casually I ask her what this movie is rated. Her reply: "PG-13. And I am 12, so...yano....". Very rarely does Carly give me attitude but she did there! Instantly I hopped on the internet to study up on how many stars for family friendliness "The Lovely Bones" received.....2/5. GREAT. So Trey and I talked and talked, watched the preview, talked with Carly, and finally decided that since this friends Mother would be attending with them that she could go. Afterward we were kicking ourselves. We can't go back on our answer, but I think that WE ARE SO UNPREPARED TO RAISE A TEENAGER! Someone help us...please. Carly is a good girl, but we should have had the parental confidence to give her a big NO on this request. But then again...she would have seen the flick regardless, all she has to do is wait until next weekend when surely her Mother would have gladly taken her. UGH. Today's challenge aside, Carly continues to be a straight A student and a great little person. Her heart and soul are so sweet. Watching her enter into her junior high years has really made Trey and I nervous. I think we are also feeling inspired to begin a family Bible study at the end of each day just like the Duggars do. Note to self: research family group studies online.
Conner: Ah, Conner man! What a cool kid. Conner is in the second half of 1st grade. He's had such a great year. His teacher....LOVE HER. We are currently planning a laser tag party for his 7th birthday which is a short 3 weeks away! This birthday means that I have been in Conner's life for over half of it! He still doesn't believe me when I tell him he was only 3 years old when Daddy and I started dating. He feels like my own....;)
Joey.....MY TERRIBLE TWO. I hate seeing him this way...kicking, screaming, arguing every little thing I say to him. I have been spending a LOT of time with John Rosemond (well, his books that is...) reading about this crucial time period where Joey is realizing that the world does not revolve around him. It's tough. At his core, Joey is a lover. I still get little glimpses of who Joey was up until this past week....I miss my sweet boy, but I know he will be back.
Ailey: SO SWEET. Ailey is the easiest baby. She constantly inspires me to reproduce. I am not done, so for those of you who were wondering....so long as God wills it, we will see another baby Montgomery around this house. Ailey sleeps all night, smiles constantly, and it is easy to figure out what she needs when she actually does cry. She loves her older siblings and is a MOMMY'S GIRL. I planned it that way. :) Additionally, she IS OFF THE CHARTS FOR WEIGHT AND LENGTH. We affectionately call her our "chunk of love".
As for me, Mommy and Wifey, I am hanging in there. This past week was REALLY challenging. I am working on myself a lot...trying to speak softly always, trying to run less on emotion and more on reason, trying to put my marriage ahead of my children....being challenged by it all. I have also been very busy getting our house ready for the market. We are Tega Cay bound. I can't wait to raise my sweet family at the lake surrounded by trees, parks, and the best schools in the state.
Well, that's a quick UP TO DATE UPDATE on the Montgomerys! Loving one another, loving life, loving telling YOU all about it! ta ta!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
oh boy....The "I AM SO DONE!" Feeling...
Oh dear blog...it has been a while!
So, as of today Ailey is 2 months old! As most parents will say, it does feel like she's always been a part of our family. She is an amazing addition!
They say, "your children are a reflection of you". I have to say it's very true that Joey's personality very much reflects how I was as a new Mommy with him. He's a bit OCD, very much a perfectionist, extremely social, and has a touch of anxiety in everything he does...very "type A". With Ailey, I have been so peaceful. I have never once found myself in a bought of anxiety and frustration with a screaming newborn baby. She is so good! She goes with the flow, loves to cuddle, and just has the sweetest soul. You can see in her eyes that she is gentle and that she loves me. The experience of baby #2 has most definitely been different...and wonderful....and not "better" than my first (because NOTHING tops the birth of your first!), but definitely wonderfully different.
I love being a Mommy. I love having babies. I am addicted to it. It's my LIFE and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Joey is such a joy (when he's not having a typical "terrible two" meltdown) and every day he amazes me with something new. He talks non-stop, is so smart, and wow am I EVER BRAGGING! Getting to the point, as in awe as I am with Joey and with as easy and wonderful as the experience has been with Ailey, it definitely doesn't do anything to make me "feel done".
Oh how quickly the memories of constant nausea, vomiting, and NATURAL LABOR fade away. Oh sweet oxytocin! You are so perfect at erasing all the struggle and shining light on only the simply indescribable feelings of having a baby! Yes, it is all worth it!
Trey's words: "I knew I should have videotapped it all last time!" (HA!) I would have made excuses calling my former pregnant self "such a drama queen" and insisting that it "wasn't that bad". In my heart of hearts I know that it was "that bad", but I don't care. I want another baby!
Will I get one? I don't know the answer to that. But let me say this, reader; If you are questioning whether or not to take the baby route, whether or not you can handle it, if it is or is not worth it....I assure you, there is nothing in this life as wonderful as bringing another being into the world and experiencing the LOVE and happiness that being will bring to your marriage, family, extended family, friends, etc.
To me, my children are everything:)
So, as of today Ailey is 2 months old! As most parents will say, it does feel like she's always been a part of our family. She is an amazing addition!
They say, "your children are a reflection of you". I have to say it's very true that Joey's personality very much reflects how I was as a new Mommy with him. He's a bit OCD, very much a perfectionist, extremely social, and has a touch of anxiety in everything he does...very "type A". With Ailey, I have been so peaceful. I have never once found myself in a bought of anxiety and frustration with a screaming newborn baby. She is so good! She goes with the flow, loves to cuddle, and just has the sweetest soul. You can see in her eyes that she is gentle and that she loves me. The experience of baby #2 has most definitely been different...and wonderful....and not "better" than my first (because NOTHING tops the birth of your first!), but definitely wonderfully different.
I love being a Mommy. I love having babies. I am addicted to it. It's my LIFE and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Joey is such a joy (when he's not having a typical "terrible two" meltdown) and every day he amazes me with something new. He talks non-stop, is so smart, and wow am I EVER BRAGGING! Getting to the point, as in awe as I am with Joey and with as easy and wonderful as the experience has been with Ailey, it definitely doesn't do anything to make me "feel done".
Oh how quickly the memories of constant nausea, vomiting, and NATURAL LABOR fade away. Oh sweet oxytocin! You are so perfect at erasing all the struggle and shining light on only the simply indescribable feelings of having a baby! Yes, it is all worth it!
Trey's words: "I knew I should have videotapped it all last time!" (HA!) I would have made excuses calling my former pregnant self "such a drama queen" and insisting that it "wasn't that bad". In my heart of hearts I know that it was "that bad", but I don't care. I want another baby!
Will I get one? I don't know the answer to that. But let me say this, reader; If you are questioning whether or not to take the baby route, whether or not you can handle it, if it is or is not worth it....I assure you, there is nothing in this life as wonderful as bringing another being into the world and experiencing the LOVE and happiness that being will bring to your marriage, family, extended family, friends, etc.
To me, my children are everything:)
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