A couple of weekends ago while I was at work Trey surprised me by purchasing a few of my midwifery study books. I am SO enjoying studying! It's so easy because I am so crazy about the subject. Reading a book by Sheila Kitzinger to start off with. I know that I am doing the right thing both in becoming a midwife and in having a home birth. As I read her words I am not only educated, but also find myself smiling as I agree with all that she has to say. She is honest and open in informing her readers about all of their options when it comes to their birth, but also makes it very clear that healthy women with normal, low-risk, pregnancies do not have to go to the hospital for care. I am so inspired. It's also so nice to have something that is all my own. Trey has work and his Men's Health, Geology magazines, and (Lord help me) now it's football season, the kids have me running them around to all their interests, and now I have something that is mine...besides my family's needs which I am also very passionate about. :)
As for my own pregnancy, I cannot wait to find out tomorrow whether or not she has turned. I feel like she has. I am not feeling her big head at the top of my uterus. I am not feeling kicking on my cervix. I DO feel a lot of low pressure and occasionally some mild cramping. These little pains and annoyances make me smile. My body is getting ready. Envisioning her head down and putting pressure on my cervix makes my anticipation for my labor journey grow!
Mostly, if I had to guess I would have never guessed I would get to have a daughter and I am so incredibly excited to meet her. I am so excited to give her the gift of a natural birth. I can't wait to have her on my chest taking her first breaths and staring down at her in amazement. They say babies born naturally and in home environments tend to be a lot more alert, too...so I hope to experience that. (Cool book, "The Amazing Newborn" Klaus & Klaus)
That's all for now. About 7-8 weeks to go! While I hope they fly by, I also hope I find time to appreciate these final moments of my final pregnancy and of her being mine, mine, all mine!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
technology!! grrr...
So last night my dear husband decided to do me a "favor" and upgrade all my settings on my Blackberry. I really didn't know what that meant, but he assured me that when he was done I would have a more efficient phone. This morning I woke up to a text message. T9...where did you go!? Keyboard of choice...gone! Preferred font...bye bye! As the day has gone on and I have tried to use my phone for various activities I am accustomed to using, it has been one dysfunction after another! (By the way, not to sound too Jerry Seinfeld, but what's up with the spelling of dysfunction? It's totally dysfunctional! The pre-text "dis" (which mean "to not to" ________, like discontinued: not continued) is spelled wrong! Why not disfunctional?) The most recent disappointment and frenzy of frustration has been with my mobile facebook. TOTALLY different version than I was using. How quickly can we change technology? My brand new Storm is totally out-dated...I just know it! It was probably out-date when I bought it. It was probably out-dated when the thing was shipped to the Verizon store for retail sale! I completely understand my grandparents now. I always wondered why they never ever even made any serious attempts to associate with a PC. I get it now....a typewriter has always done the trick...why mess with that!? (Okay, partly joking there...we all know that a PC has far more uses than word processing...but you get the picture.) Okay, that's my rant for now. I will try and be more open-minded when it comes to technology, but gee it isn't easy, is it!?
Friday, August 14, 2009
aren't we all growing up......
The summer finally comes to a close as we scatter for last minute school supplies, hair appointments, shoes that fit just right, and meet the teachers that will be expanding our children's minds over the next 9 months.
Last night was back to school night. I was so proud of Carly and Conner! They both walked in to their respective schools (Carly is in middle school now!) with such confidence and ease. They were both so eager to see wait awaited them for the 2009-10 school year. It's so wonderful to see your kids excited about school...even though they will swear they are so upset that summer is over and wish that the school year was as short as summer vacation. As for Mimi, I was a nervous wreck over the entire thing. Since this is one of those rare events where there is a lot of involvement with me and bio-mom, I really could have used a Xanax. I felt, as the involved bonus mommy I am, that I needed to be present. I mean, who is there every afternoon greeting the kids at the bus stop and helping with homework? Yep! It's me. (Wouldn't trade that for the world, by the way.) So this was another event sure to be graced with the bio-Mom's awkward presence. In years past I was a little more vocal on back to school night. I wanted it to be known that "hey! I am the step-mom, but I am also running this show!". This year? With some new perspective I took more to staying in the background. I made sure that bio-mom introduced herself before I had my chance. I made sure to put bio-Mom's name ahead of mine and Trey's when filling out contact information. I just let her do all of the talking. She embarrassed all of us, but hey, it is what it is! My new attitude made her having an attitude ridiculous. Mostly, I think it went much better than expected and I think the kids felt truly grateful to see a lack of conflict between parents. Slowly but surely I am growing into my role in the children's lives.
Being a stay-at-home step-mom is one of the trickiest jobs in the world...and emotionally confusing! I am raising these babies. Caring for them when they are sick, helping educate them, working weekends to buy their school clothes and school supplies, cooking their meals, keeping them clean...yet...they are not mine. I don't love them as anything but my own, but when it's all said and done, I don't get to be Mommy or Daddy...just a happy face on the sidelines of life. That's hard, but I think if I tried to do this any other way it would not work for my family. If I was hands-off, made Trey and Shannon figure everything out on top of their work schedules, didn't love and care for the kids as my own, and just completely un-involved myself, my family would not be happily and lovingly functioning. So I press forward in the role of stay-at-home step-mommy. Never imagined having to wear this hat in all my life. I could use a support group if one exists....
So right now it's at little after 6 a.m. I have been up since 4. You would think it was my first day of middle school today! I can't wait to hear all about it from Carly. Conner starts next week and will be at his mom's house...so can't wait to get the phone call from him saying everything went great! Can you believe it? A new middle schooler, a first grader, a toddler, and a soon-to-be newborn on the way. So many new experiences for us all at once! I love it. What a wild ride.
Last night was back to school night. I was so proud of Carly and Conner! They both walked in to their respective schools (Carly is in middle school now!) with such confidence and ease. They were both so eager to see wait awaited them for the 2009-10 school year. It's so wonderful to see your kids excited about school...even though they will swear they are so upset that summer is over and wish that the school year was as short as summer vacation. As for Mimi, I was a nervous wreck over the entire thing. Since this is one of those rare events where there is a lot of involvement with me and bio-mom, I really could have used a Xanax. I felt, as the involved bonus mommy I am, that I needed to be present. I mean, who is there every afternoon greeting the kids at the bus stop and helping with homework? Yep! It's me. (Wouldn't trade that for the world, by the way.) So this was another event sure to be graced with the bio-Mom's awkward presence. In years past I was a little more vocal on back to school night. I wanted it to be known that "hey! I am the step-mom, but I am also running this show!". This year? With some new perspective I took more to staying in the background. I made sure that bio-mom introduced herself before I had my chance. I made sure to put bio-Mom's name ahead of mine and Trey's when filling out contact information. I just let her do all of the talking. She embarrassed all of us, but hey, it is what it is! My new attitude made her having an attitude ridiculous. Mostly, I think it went much better than expected and I think the kids felt truly grateful to see a lack of conflict between parents. Slowly but surely I am growing into my role in the children's lives.
Being a stay-at-home step-mom is one of the trickiest jobs in the world...and emotionally confusing! I am raising these babies. Caring for them when they are sick, helping educate them, working weekends to buy their school clothes and school supplies, cooking their meals, keeping them clean...yet...they are not mine. I don't love them as anything but my own, but when it's all said and done, I don't get to be Mommy or Daddy...just a happy face on the sidelines of life. That's hard, but I think if I tried to do this any other way it would not work for my family. If I was hands-off, made Trey and Shannon figure everything out on top of their work schedules, didn't love and care for the kids as my own, and just completely un-involved myself, my family would not be happily and lovingly functioning. So I press forward in the role of stay-at-home step-mommy. Never imagined having to wear this hat in all my life. I could use a support group if one exists....
So right now it's at little after 6 a.m. I have been up since 4. You would think it was my first day of middle school today! I can't wait to hear all about it from Carly. Conner starts next week and will be at his mom's house...so can't wait to get the phone call from him saying everything went great! Can you believe it? A new middle schooler, a first grader, a toddler, and a soon-to-be newborn on the way. So many new experiences for us all at once! I love it. What a wild ride.
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