If someone treats you badly, what do you do?
For me, I turn the other cheek....to start off with. We all say things that we don't mean. Sometimes we too quickly speak our mind and then wish we could take it back. I get that. I can forgive these instances.
When someone continues to treat you badly, what do you do?
For me, I start spending less time around that person. Maybe they aren't worth my time? After all, who wants to have their feelings hurt over and over?
When it doesn't stop, what next?
Delete their phone number? Delete them from your social-networking site? Walk the opposite direction when you see them in public? Block their access to your life in numerous ways as a form of defense mechanism, right?
There is a person in my life who hurts me over and over again. A person who I have given chance after chance after chance. A person who I have prayed to God to help to me to love, even though she treats me as if I am not even human. Instead, she treats me as if I have murdered every person she allegedly loves...even though all I have ever done is bring them happiness.
She is the mother of my husband's children. I cannot delete her from my life. I have to allow her to stay. I have to allow her to keep breaking my heart. You might advise that I just put up a shield and not let it get to me, but that would require detaching from my step-children....and would I be who I am if I did that?
If I just stopped caring about what makes them happy....stopped loving them, would they benefit from that?
I often wonder, but the answer is that I can't stop loving and caring for them...and why would anyone ever want me to?
Thank you to my friends and family who have loved and supported me as I have dealt with all the pain and suffering this "non-deletable" individual has caused me.
My apologies to all of you who, just as I have grown tired of the abuse, have grown tired of the subject topic.
But I can't delete her. I can't change my phone number. I can't run away. I can't get rid of her...because it would mean getting rid of my husband and bonus babies...and they are my family! This is just who I am, what I will always have to deal with, and a topic that will always come up...
I hate that it is this way.
I continue to pray for change in her heart.
But I assure you, anytime I need to talk about it, it's because I have suffered more deeply than anyone could even begin to understand. I haven't even EVER met another 50/50 custody step-mom. I know they surely exist, but my search is still on.
There's nothing left for ME to do...because no matter how hard I have tried to form a positive relationship with this woman, four years later, her only interests lie in a strong desire to hurt me...to live her life openly admitting that she is out to seek revenge on me for falling in love with her ex-husband and children.
Shame on me.
(sarcasm)
Thank you if you are one of the people in my life who continues to allow me to talk to you about my "non-deletable"...because it's really good, cheap, therapy:)
7 comments:
Awwww I'm sorry. Hopefully one day she will change and learn to grow up and move on with her life. You are a great step mom and everyone around you can see that! Just continue to be you and focus on only your family and do your best on your end despite what she thinks or feels about you and let Trey handle the rest. I know its easier said than done but you can't change her nor should you have to deal with her. XOXOXOXO HUGS!!!!
Awwww I'm sorry. Hopefully one day she will change and learn to grow up and move on with her life. You are a great step mom and everyone around you can see that! Just continue to be you and focus on only your family and do your best on your end despite what she thinks or feels about you and let Trey handle the rest. I know its easier said than done but you can't change her nor should you have to deal with her. XOXOXOXO HUGS!!!!
Awwww I'm sorry. Hopefully one day she will change and learn to grow up and move on with her life. You are a great step mom and everyone around you can see that! Just continue to be you and focus on only your family and do your best on your end despite what she thinks or feels about you and let Trey handle the rest. I know its easier said than done but you can't change her nor should you have to deal with her. XOXOXOXO HUGS!!!! ~ Breahna :)
I love you. I pray it gets easier with time and I am always just a phone call away. Shame on you "friend" who complains about hearing it. I have some that feel the SAME way or suggest I should have known better in the first place, it is hard for others to understand. You are doing an incredible job and Carly and Conner will be better people just by knowing you. Keeping it all in will only drive you bonkers and there are plenty of people who are hear to listen!! xoxo
The thing is, I totally understand why my friends and family are tired of hearing about it...I really really do. It's hard being around someone who always seems to have something negative to say about someone else. I wish I had good and positive things to say, but that's not my situation:( Maybe one day, before the kids are too grown and scarred, we will have that "No One's The Bitch" lifestyle....until then....this is life:( Thank you for the support! Even those who are tired of hearing about it...thank you! I understand where you're coming from and I apologize.
I am a 100% custodial step mom. It is a very hard job!! The kids have not seen the bio mom since 7/09 we have not heard from her since 9/09. The bad part is it is messing up the older boy! The young one has only known me since his dad and I started dating before he was 2. When we did see the bio mom she would tell her oldest to tell daddy to break up with Erin so Mommy can move back home. Or that my son and I will be leaving then she can come home. Now even if my fiancee broke up with me and sent our son and I off he would NEVER go back to her!! These woman have issues!! They don't know how to let things go to make thier kids happy!! I would say try to talk to her and let her know the more she does this the more it hurts the kids. I have had many dreams of talking to the Bio mom but I know it won't work. She loves Drugs better than her family!
Cozmo, that is so hard. Many prayers for you and your family. You know, your son may be facing some emotional challenges due to BM's absence, but on the flip side of that he may be facing more if she were around. Thank goodness he has you to be strong for and with him:)
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