Embracing What's To Come....

I keep looking down at my sweet nursing infant and while I am totally consumed with love, there is a bit of sadness that lurks during this sweet time with my little baby girl. She is my last. People often think I'm a little wacky when I discuss how sad I am that I'm not going to have anymore babies. "But you've got TWO babies right now!" Yes, I know. I am sooo thankful for my babies! It's not that they are somehow "not enough"...I know I am blessed beyond belief! I'm just a momma who loves having babies and now that the end of the road is so quickly here (I had three babies in 3 years!) I am working to accept it. So, today I have decided it's time to start looking forward....and getting excited about what's ahead! LIKE Firsts! First words! First foods! First hairbows! First grins! (Like the ones I experienced this morning! Gotta love the gums.) First days of school! First birthday parties! First teeth! (first lost tooth!) First family vacations! First team sports! First time without the training wheels! ..and that's about as far as I'm willing and able to get excited about thus far;) There are countless milestones that I have to look forward to with my babies. I'm keeping my heart set on what I have and what's to come. It's sad that I'm done having babies, but in a lot of ways...it's really exciting because there is so much in store:) (Perhaps a first for Mommy....being in fabulous physical shape?! *wink*)

still shocking 5 years later

I hate the term used to describe siblings who biologically share only one parent...."half sibling". It makes me cringe like the word, "step-mom" makes me cringe. Family is family...let brothers and sisters just be labeled as simply that. Lord knows they don't love one another with just half of their hearts. Heck, I have sisters I don't share any blood with at all!

Why is it so hard for bio-mom to just grasp this part of Carly and Conner's life? To realize that, while she is totally uninvolved in it (her choice), it is totally and completely who Carly and Conner are?

Call me step-mom all you want. Remind that I am not the "real mom" as much as you need to. Call me step-monster...I don't care. But don't call my kids "half-siblings"...and don't you DARE call them "step-siblings"....apparently you need a Webster on that one!

That is all.

Oh wait,....
p.s.
8 year olds don't need to be bathed
don't need you to "help" them pee in a cup at the doctor office
and certainly shouldn't be "co-sleeping" with you.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

10 days now...

Our sleep schedule is official! 10-2 and 2:30-6:30....sweet! I got a good little sleeper:) She's a good little eater, too. Maevy nurses about every 2 hours and is already up over 9 lbs at 10 days old. She's a sweet little cuddle muffin and I love her SO much. Everyone else loves her, too...even Ailey...who I was quite concerned about having jealousy issues...but the main issue she has is a curiosity issue:) I am nervous and trying to figure out things like what life will be like when Trey returns to to work next week....how I will buy groceries for a family of 7 with 3 babies in tow...how I will get the big kids to their soccer practices at all different times and locations...how I will have patience...and inner calm...LOL! Truly the sentence, "It isn't always easy, but somehow we make it work" (I know you can name that reality TV show) comes to mind several times a day. That being said, this is our final BABY. And, even though i know that is what's best for everyone, man is it hard to accept! Maevy's first night with us I got zip sleep...I just watched her sweet face and kept her right up against me....taking it all in. Maevy's a sweetheart...thank you God for putting such a perfect finishing touch on our already blessed family!

Maevy Faith's Birth Story

Monday I was hanging out at Mom and Dad's. After lunch I decided I needed to bake banana bread and clean their kitchen! That evening while watching, "The Bachelor", I realized I was having some painful contractions 10-12 minutes a part. I pretty much ignored them and went to bed. Through the night they woke me up a few times. I would make some quiet noises to cope through and then fall back asleep. The next morning they were still 10 minutes a part. I refused to believe that this wasn't false labor and told Mom to come over and play. She showed up with stuff to make a yummy soup, a cake, and even brought her pajamas! When she saw me have a contraction she insisted on driving me to my prenatal check up. At my appointment my midwife, Damaris, noted my pain and said it seemed like a real labor contraction to her. I had her check me...4 centimeters! Wow....MAYBE this was it? I asked her to sweep my membranes and she sent me home saying, "see you tonight!" I told her not to tease me...I wasnt ready to get excited. Mom and I came home and we got the little kids fed and ready for quiet time for Joey and nap time for Ailey. Mom started writing down my contractions and I decided to go for a walk. I went down the big hill in Neptune's Landing. I walked around on the docks and enjoyed the sunshine and water. My contractions were definitely getting stronger...especially by the time I got back up that hill! Once back inside I busied myself cleaning the bathroom and vaccuming the bedroom. Every time I would contract I would pound on the floor so Mom (baking away in the kitchen) could write down the time. As I cleaned I chanted to myself, "I am strong. I am strong in labor." When we realized my contractions were only 3 minutes a part we called Trey. When Trey got home we decided it was time to call Damaris. She came right over. Then we called the Clarks for re-inforcements! Billy was wonderful and took the boys and Megan stayed to keep me company while I labored. I had Damaris and Trey as well as the love and support of Mom, Meg, and even Carly and Ailey....all my girls. With each contraction I found myself on all fours, making the noises I needed to make to get through. I used a LOT of breathing, a lot of visualization, and a lot of prayer. Between contractions I was smiling and making jokes. I was confident and happy.....I had a good bit of anxiety about transition, though. I was in and out of the bath tub....water was SO great!

I was off and on the bed. I got checked and was at 7 centimeters. I knew my fear could actually prevent me from transitioning. Finally I got tired. I got REALLY REALLY tired. I layed down for a bit and then sat down on the potty for a few contractions. It was then and there that I started willing my body to transition. "Just do it. Just get it over with." Suddenly I got bits of the pushing urge! It wasnt overwhelming, but it was increasing. Damaris said I could check myself. I told her I could feel what I THOUGHT was a little bit of swollen cervix and HEAD! She advised me to breath through my next urge to push to help get rid of that anterior lip. I did it and then asked if I could just get in the tub and start pushing. She said yes! Into the tub I went and 2 or 3 contractions later my water burst with my efforts. I was praying my waters would stay in tact until pushing time...I could remember that once broken labor was a whole new ball game! Sure enough after the broken waters the pain maginified! But not for more than a couple seconds because I was crowning. I started screaming...really really screaming for the first time...and she was coming! She had a tight cord, though. I pushed for about 2 or 3 contractions and Damaris helped try to get her position right and supported my perineum....but finally told me I was going to have to STAND UP! What??!! Was she kidding me?! I don't know who all helped, but in a group effort I was on my feet and right out she came! Relief! My BABY! Damaris collected the cord blood, I delivered the placenta and nursed, and then it was birthday party time in my room! Again it was so perfect just being at home, in my bed, surrounded by family, eating my mom's homemade food, and having my daughter in my arms and never leaving them. We named her Maevy and she weighed in at 8lbs 10ounces JUST like her big sister, Ailey...who was also born on the 8th day of the month. After all the measurements were taken and all the celebrating came to a close, Trey and I fell asleep in our bed with our sweet new addition....our family complete:)

The final preparation....

I have been procrastinating on getting everything ready for baby for quite some time now. I've been busy with the babies, busy with the big kids, busy with the holidays, and most of all, TIRED.

Today I am 36 weeks along...in what is my 3rd and final pregnancy. I decided it was time to get down to business. There is a lot more preparing that goes along with a home birth than what needs to be done for a hospital birth.

All morning long I moaned and groaned as I got the babies ready to go the store to buy the supplies on my birth supply list. I complained about spending money and about walking around the great, big, Super Wal-Mart as I got twinges of pains and discomforts. I dreaded coming home and washing everything and bagging it up and labeling it how the midwife would like.

So I am sitting here with the last bit of baby clothes, receiving blankets, and towels in the dryer. Suddenly, I feel guilty for complaining. Suddenly, I feel really really sad. This is it. I will never do this again. This is my final baby. My final labor and delivery. Mostly I love my babies, but pregnancy is a part of the experience as a whole...and this is it for me.

I know I have been blessed beyond words and I have our entire lives together to look forward to, but knowing I will never give birth again...never have any more babies....brings some strange feelings...

So long 2010

Here we are...our first day back to routine after the winter break and our first "Manic Monday" of the new year.

The holidays were a sweet time with family and I am thankful for the blessings that we shared in our celebrations, but I am a big fan of routine and happy to have things back on schedule.

Reflecting back on 2010....

It was a big year! We put our house on the market and by some sort of real estate miracle, were able to sell in just 3 months! We sold just in time to move to the neighborhood of our dreams and catch the cut off date to get the kids into the schools we wanted. (Best schools in the state:)

Two weeks after moving in we discovered that we were expecting another baby! Woo-hoo! This is always the happiest of news for our family:) Also on the growing family front, we found out that we were going to be getting 2 more nephews around the same time our baby was going to be due! Let's hear it for nephews!!!

So....
Very quickly our 2010 calendar began filling up:
Playdates
Sports Camp
Horseback Riding Camp
Doctor's appointments
Pre-natal visits
Volunteer work at the schools
More playdates
Football practice
Parent-teacher conferences
Horeseback riding lessons
School Projects
Birthday party after birthday party after another birthday party:)

It's been such a busy and life-changing year! Carly turned 13. Ailey took her first steps. Conner lost his first tooth. Trey has been working harder than even. Joey was potty-trained. We found out we were going to blessed with another daughter/sister. Whew!

So now it's 2011....

Already my calendar is full of appointments, birthdays, deadlines, responsibilities, and many other exciting events. In a month Conner will turn 8. A week after that baby #5 will be due! I am so excited for everything that God has in store for us this year.

Some personal resolutions I have.....
#1 on my list is to, after birthing a healthy baby girl, of course, LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT FOREVER! I want to be healthy and feel good. I want to have a high energy level and just be able to have fun and be active with my kids. Feeling confident and maybe even a little sexy wouldn't hurt, either;)

#2 is a very important goal: Fix the debt. We don't have a lot of it, but the bit that we have creates so much stress. I want it gone. Forever. Debt gets in the way of us being able to do other things and that is SAD. After we get out, I don't want to ever be in it again. I think the only debt that we cannot help are our mortgage payments and vehicle payments, other than that...I don't want to owe anyone anything!

#3 and I think that this will be my final resolution...because too many could be overwhelming.... DATE NIGHT. Trey and I have got to start dating again. We need to be hubby and wife more often and take a break from being Mommy and Daddy. This year we are going to find a way to make it happen. I would love to say that once a month is our goal, but to start off with we will say at least one date every other month. Man I would love to see that work:)

Cheers to 2011!!!!!

You might have had your kids close together....

When you discover that you've had the same large bottle of Johnson & Johnson's baby lotion for 4 years and used it for 3 babies!



When there are 3 carseats in your car.



When the baby clothes aren't ever boxed up and put away.



You've forgotten what a full night's sleep is either because someone is not yet sleeping through the night or you are waking every hour to pee because someone is laying on your bladder.



When you look at your budget and realize that for 2 years straight you've had money allocated to pay the midwife.



When every time you walk past your tub you think of either bathing a baby or birthing one...but never having a peaceful moment to yourself surrounded by bubbles, candles, and a glass of wine.



When you've been taking pre-natal vitamins instead of regular vitamins for 4 years.



When you go to your place of former employment and hear the constant whisper of clients saying, "She still hasn't had that baby yet?!"



When your husband's co-workers are planning another baby shower for him and someone says, "Oh no, he's already had his baby" and someone else says, "Oh no, this is ANOTHER one."



When you can't even find the non-maternity clothes in the bottom of your closet anymore.



When you haven't bought tampons in 4 years!



And when you can't remember the last time your boobs were a sex object instead of someone's lunch.