The final preparation....

I have been procrastinating on getting everything ready for baby for quite some time now. I've been busy with the babies, busy with the big kids, busy with the holidays, and most of all, TIRED.

Today I am 36 weeks along...in what is my 3rd and final pregnancy. I decided it was time to get down to business. There is a lot more preparing that goes along with a home birth than what needs to be done for a hospital birth.

All morning long I moaned and groaned as I got the babies ready to go the store to buy the supplies on my birth supply list. I complained about spending money and about walking around the great, big, Super Wal-Mart as I got twinges of pains and discomforts. I dreaded coming home and washing everything and bagging it up and labeling it how the midwife would like.

So I am sitting here with the last bit of baby clothes, receiving blankets, and towels in the dryer. Suddenly, I feel guilty for complaining. Suddenly, I feel really really sad. This is it. I will never do this again. This is my final baby. My final labor and delivery. Mostly I love my babies, but pregnancy is a part of the experience as a whole...and this is it for me.

I know I have been blessed beyond words and I have our entire lives together to look forward to, but knowing I will never give birth again...never have any more babies....brings some strange feelings...